Mentors

My generation (myself included) have this incredible angst towards anything that appears to be authority.

The idea of "spiritual authority" was introduced to me when I began attending Living Hope as a teenager. Since graduation though, I haven't really been under any authority, at all. It's my own doing, though. I've had this sense of "I'm an adult now, I don't need the authority," etc. But there is so much more to authority than being told what to do. In fact, I've learned to embrace it. This post is mostly to acknowledge and thank two of my many mentors.

Last night I spoke with one of my high school mentors for a little over an hour. He did most of the talking!! (that would mean he is an expander, lol) He was walking me through how to build trust with students who have had everyone in their life prove untrustworthy. He also talked to me about disciplining and how to lead students to discover the answers. All these things I was told I needed to do in the Youth Ministry program at CU, but these were a few of the few areas I didn't really see much "rubber meets the road" given. It was amazing to just listen and learn.

I literally had to try not to laugh, because even though he was using current examples of situations, I saw myself and how I use to react/act. I must say, I believe I have come along way. Others may not tell me so, but I know it's true. God has changed me drastically! Thank you, Scotty, for your time & energy. Not just last night, but also during my High School years. Thank you for never giving up on me!

Then just a half an hour ago I talked to my home town pastor. He was listening and giving me feedback on the possibility to New Hampshire and all that great stuff (the logistical side of things), as well as my most recent opportunity to share my testimony with a church (something I shy away from, at least in regards to my disability, which is what I'm sharing about). I really appreciated his insight and time spent.

He said some things towards the end of our conversation that caught me off guard and left me speechless. (I'm going to paraphrase, since I don't generally record my phone conversations, *wink*)

(This was mostly in response to my reluctance to have the service I speak at recorded)

It's time to fly, Ashley. The things that once weighed you down no longer do. You can do this; I know you'll do fine. You're an adult now, it's time to grow up. You'll fall down, but you'll get back up. That's the story of your life. You do this not because you have an ego, but because you believe you can help others.

The underlined part struck me hard. Those words set me free. I needed to hear that from someone. Someone who has known me beyond just my struggles. I think those well-timed words are wisdom that can only be provided by one with authority! Thank You, Pastor Carey, for the loving kick in the pants.

I have long feared 2 things: my darkness (that which reveals that I am broken and less than perfect), and my brightness (which reveals the true extent of my potential and God's power in me), which is what my pastor is seeking to get at, I think. It reminds me of a quote by Nelson Mandela, that is pasted on the front of my journal:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, nor our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,"Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It is not in just some of us - it is in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

-Asher
ps- I compromised with my pastor (though it might still lead to that which I am avoiding, lol.) I told him that if it was recorded, I'd give him a copy and he could do with it what he desires.