the upswing (phase 2)

Things are improving over here. Yesterday I drove around Manchester picking up things for Elysia's upcoming 24th birthday, and today I visited Manchester First Assembly after discovering that one of the volunteers here goes there. Despite the fact that it took me just shy of 45 minutes (a 10 minute drive) to get there because I got on the wrong road (and there's about 10 miles between each exit, goofy New Englanders), I enjoyed it. They're really reserved for an AG church, so I found that I wasnt too uncomfortable there (I got burned by an AG church not too long ago and have since almost completely rejected the teachings). I met several people my age, which was cool, and all were incredibly nice and one girl and I went for lunch. I found out she lives about 2 minutes away from me, so there is definite potential for more adventures. She gave me a map, explained the roads and highways, and we swapped mini testimonies. Umm, I also was able to meet the pastor, youth pastor, and college & career pastor, all who seemed nice.

"phase 2" means Im not homesick all the time anymore. Now it's just when I have lots of down time (like this weekend, with being off)... I was able to find cheap tickets for a couple friends to come visit, but it turns out they're not cheap enough because of some changes... could I buy them the tickets? yeah, it would only take me 2 weeks work to have the excess in my budget to do so, but with loan payments coming up, I kinda wonder if that would be a wise move?

I want to put a huge dent in my undergrad loans, especially if I decide to go to Talbot (still my first choice, but financially Im not sure I could do it)... Talbot will cost me in the neighborhood of 50K 2 years, which is just shy of what 3 years at CU cost me...

Im so sick of all the decision making, really. I mean, maybe if I had some idea of what I was doing (which I dont, Im the first college grad, first christian, first career seeker, in my fam) it wouldnt be so difficult because at least I would have an example and wisdom to follow, but instead Im just like a jr. higher again with the experimentation thing; for entirely different reasons... oi vej

Im really thankful we're told to "stop striving" and know that God is God. It means at the end of the day (or at any point Im willing) I can release control and concern and just be who I am, where I am, when I am, because ultimately God created and sustains all of life... and that is incredibly comforting.

Ice cream sounds good.

And now, I leave you with some lyrics that have become a prayer:

As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I'm reminded of the streets of my hometown
How they're much like this concrete that's warm beneath my feet

And how I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face
With a touch of my father just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother's laugh
But more wrapped up in what binds our ever distant lives

But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don't want to know
Life is better off a mystery

So keep'em coming, these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

Hometown weather is on TV
I imagine the lives of the people living there
And I'm curious if they imagine me
Cause they just wanna leave; I wish that I could stay

And to visit places from my past
But only for an hour or so
Which is long enough to smell the air
To tell the tale and find the door

But I get turned around
I mistake some happiness for blessing
But I'm blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I'm dressing

So I'll sing a song of my hometown
I'll breathe the air and walk the streets
Maybe find a place to sit and read
And the ants are welcome company

And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes
(Caedmon's Call- Faith My Eyes)

-Asher