womanhood... grrr...

**IN THE FOLLOWING POST I MENTION SOME GIRL SPECIFIC ISSUES, SO DONT READ THE FIRST PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED**

I strongly detest being a woman at times. This whole monthly thing *sucks* (in NH that's a pretty low word, but in MI, not so much...) I hate being emotional. Every time I cry I feel really guilty, as if I should some how be able to not cry about anything... and when m525 strikes, it's like the Nile river with me. Granted, I do have a pretty demanding job, but only about 40% of the stress I feel is from the girls I work with... but still, I hate crying. I feel like a big cry baby.

On the upside of crying twice in the past 5 days, I got to talk with my pastor back home (and his wife earlier this week). And it was cool, because he didn't rush off the phone as soon as I was calm and the tears had stopped; He really wanted to know about the church I had chosen, etc... and really folks, it's a great blessing... have I told you I wouldnt be alive without my home church? yeah, I firmly believe that.

My pastor said something that was really interesting to me, something that stood out amoung the rest of the things he had to say, and it's got me thinking. We were discussing how all his "strong" people were leaving (I dont really remember the word we used, but I think you know what I mean) my home church and going places... which is good... but it's kinda hard on my pastor, if you can imagine... he needs solid people to stay behind, too. Anyway, he was telling me that he told my best friend Elysia she had to stay or he wasnt going to bring her back up, right before he baptised her. That made me laugh because Elysia's wanted to leave for quite a while and I know that... but he got her to stay. And then, giving him a hard time I said, "You never tried to stop me." To which he replied,

"I didnt think you would really leave."

I was shocked and didnt know really what to say. Interesting. Very interesting. It's really got me wondering if I made the right decision to come, especially in light of recent events. Pray for me friends, that change would happen here and that God would make it abundantly clear what He desires me to do... because if it's up to me... well, let's just say I've already made my decision...

love to you, my friends, and to bed with me,

-Asher


Im really tired. I've been up since 5:00am and working since 5:30am... and I get to repeat it again tomorrow... go me...