Dusty

My friend Dustin died in a car wreck about a year ago... well, actually, it's still a bit away, but it's been about 3/4 a year, maybe a bit more... and he's been on my mind a lot lately. He had fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed his car... what's "ironic" is that they say he would have walked away perfectly fine if he had crashed a few inches in each direction away... it through me for a loop, I had never had a friend die. I had a cousin die when I was 6 and my great grandma died when I was in High School. When my cousin died I cried a lot, but my parents told me to stop... and so when my great grandma died years later the only tears I cried were fake so others wouldnt think I was heartless... don't get me wrong, I was upset, but the tears were definitely manufactured....

and then there was Dusty. I was in conflict with myself when he died; I really wanted to let the tears fall, but was unable to just "let go." Man, we only hung out a few times, but he was an amazing guy who made sure you felt loved and valued... not in a "Im chasing after you" way, either. We are unsure where he stood with God; his most recent exploration was Buddhism, though in conversations we had, he affirmed the basic Christian tenets, also... so, it was little comfort...

I did all sorts of theological backflips, trying to get him into heaven... and since I was never able to go to his funeral, I'm not sure I've ever gotten closure, really. Every once in a while it hits me and I expect to see him or something. It was April 14, 2006.. so about 8 months ago.. that he left us.

Dusty really rose my standards for men. Before him I'm not sure I believed I was attractive, or that I deserved a quality guy. And trust me, a guy has to be pretty amazing to pass the standards he treated me with.... he told me I had gorgeous eyes, that he loved it when I laughed, etc... and it was never this "Im hitting on you" thing; he really believed it and help me (and my firend Elysia who was way closer to him than I was) believe we were beautiful and worthy.

Dusty, you're not with us anymore, but you have changed my life immeasurably. Thank you for not fearing life or death; thank you for living freedom in such a way that liberated others. We love & miss you.

-Asher