Teens & Saying "No."

No, I'm not talking about Drug & Alcohol Resistance. I'm talking about teens learning to things that are inherantly harmless, like being in the school play, helping the children's ministry, building the class float, and playing sports. But there's something very "not right" when you've said "yes" to all of these things, and still have to figure out how to do homework, eat, sleep, and go to school!

I've had my own winding journey towards, and occasionally away from, healthy boundaries. It's a tough one for me. Especially because I learned at a young age that I could get positive attention and love by being the sweet red head who always says "yes."

A couple months ago when I visited Grand Rapids I visited one of my students from my internship. She's one of only two that I keep in regular contact with. This amazing young woman is simply a blast to be around! And as we were chillin' at Starbucks (one of her fav spots!) she was telling me how incredibly overwhelmed with life she was and how she wished she had more time to just sit and be and talk to people. In fact, this little woman was/is involved in all of the activities I listed above, plus she's a student leader at youth group and is often asked to help with things for the adult church. That's a lot!

But she loves serving and pleasing people so she can't help but say "yes" to every possibility. So we talked about the importance of having time for ourselves and how God wants us to be healthy people who say "no" when we've reached our limits. Last night she and I talked again. Here's an excerpt of our conversation.

me: are you allergic to anything
her: no
me: any food you absolutely hate? that makes you want to puke at the site of it
her: yes
me: what's one?
her: onions and salsbury steak
me: k. let's say I walk up to you with this great big onion... it;s huge and juicy, straight out of the garden and say hey you, I'll give you two cents if you eat this, what would you say?
her: heck no, more like 2 million dollars
her: ohhh... so you'd say no? what if I said PLEASE ____!
her: well i guess i can say no
me: eat the onion. pleassseeee... I'll give you a dollar
her: i'd say no, i'd probably die of gagging
me: mmm... so it's not good for you to eat the onion. and not for me, either... I'd end up covered in puke, probably...and that's just gross
her: yes...past the stage of gross
Me: I know this seems silly, but it's the same thing with saying no to doing things, too...

she's fairly convinced that I've lost it... and that's probably true. But I gave her my word we'd work on it together until she got it, and she's starting to see how important it is, for everyone, that she say "no" once in a while.

And having this conversation with her last night simply made me that much more excited to be a youth pastor!