A Pensive Young Woman

Ever feel like her? The artist behind this photo calls it "pensive young woman." According to dictionary.com, the college kid's best friend, pensive refers to a thoughtful, yet melancholy, state.

Not only do I sometimes feel like this girl, but I believe I understand her. And truly, I wish I could wrap my arms around her and sooth her in her darkness; providing hope.

I was having a conversation with a friend on my birthday. We were discussing, well, stuff. And I had asked her if she felt I was the problem in a situation, that despite my best efforts, has remained in shambles (sp?).

Her response was, "No... but we just don't know how to handle someone like you."

What she was referring to was my past and my experiences as a reciepent of abuse. In that moment I felt freakish, ashamed, and less than human. What she was telling me is that my age group at my home church was treating me less than human because I was something that needed to be handled, rather than a person related to. Of course, she didn't mean this, but that is the reality.

So again I ask,

How long must I be a victim to a reality which no longer exists?

And what's more, this friend of mine claimed that I am a rare case, that what I've gone through doesn't happen that often. This made me sick. Abuse does not solely mean physically thrown around a room... it is the basic disregard of a person's value and identity when the abuser uses their power/position in an unfit way.

I have met countless people who are struggling, some losing more ground than they are gaining, who have been emotionally, physically, and sexually abused in ways that were severe enough to have a negative impact on their lives, causing them anguish and even stunted growth. And all the while they are the people we put in positions, expect to lead, and disciple them to behave in such a way that one would never know they were abused- we're too busy shoving information down their throats to hear their stories. And when they do share thir stories we simply give them a few verses to memorize and tell them it's time to get over it because they now have Christ in them. *anger*

Perhaps we do this because we simply do not want to handle such a situation. It makes us uncomfortable because it rocks our world so violently that our nicey nice view of life as a Christian can no longer survive, or if it can, it is on massive life support.

Folks, wake up. Abuse is NOT as uncommon as you'd like to think. And instead of shoving info and facts down your student's throats, sit down and hear their stories. We are not situations or problems to be fixed, handled, or band-aided; We are human, just as you are.

Perhaps you are the victim of abuse... if that is the case, I am so very sorry. You, no matter what you've been told, are not to blame, and I know that will be hard to accept... but hold it out there as a possibility, if you can. At least know this- I am praying for you. And though others may not "know what to do with you," you are NOT a freak, but you are important and deserve better than you've been handed.

If only things weren't this way.