Queen of the Cashwrap

That's what one of my managers called me this morning when I got in...

The rest of this post is dedicated to Mother Nature:

Dear Mother Nature,

Though I confess, you do not exist, for the purposes of this post let's pretend you do. Please read the following VERY carefully.

Yes, the leaves have turned here in Northern Michigan. Yes, you have allowed us to share in a beautiful, postcard-like existence for two weeks now, and for that I am truly grateful, but are a few things, however, I think you should know:

1. I do not appreciate walking out to go to work and finding multiple inches of snow on my car. Bad mother nature.
   
2. We here in Traverse City DO NOT need a longer winter, despite what you may think. 6 months is quite sufficient, thank you.
   
3. You jeopardize the careers of several area meterologists when you do not do as you indicate. That is very mean. You should be nice.
4. Asher + Snow & Ice = cuts, bruises, frostbite, and soaked clothes. Please plan the weather accordingly.
   
5. Snow + Sadie (my car) = meeting (and hurting) lots of innocent ditches. I don't like this. *frown*
6. Though I'm sure you get much enjoyment from this, it is NOT funny to change the weather every three minutes from sun and clear skies to sleet to snow and back to sun again. You're cruel. Stop laughing.
7. We'd like an even 65 degrees during winter, and feel this would serve our purposes much better than your sporadic and vindictive approach to the changing of seasons.
   

Thank you for your attentiveness; I'd appreciate your immediate cooperation with this matter.

Yours,

Asher Thayer