"Remember When?"

All week I had somewhat worried about my decision to go to GR this past weekend.

Was it wise?
Could I afford it?
Were my motivations for going correct?
Did I have any unrealistic expectations?
What was I hoping to gain from the trip?

Well, apart from being unable to see Josh Austin and watching a car accident happen outside of Mars Hill, the weekend couldn't have gone better for me. The pull to journey to Grand Rapids, the nagging feeling that I must go, proved pure and holy.

Healing. Really, that's what was at the heart of it. Facing close friends, mentors, people I look up to, knowing full-well that they might consider me a failure; they might criticise. The might try and to solve the tension that is my life-something I am completely resistant to. I actually enjoy this tension. I have discovered a delicate balance that enables me to be real and endlessly optimistic at the same time.

Grace; love, met me with open arms. Peace that surpasses all understanding. Just imagine, if you can, absolutely security. Home. That is how I felt this weekend. Amazing. Confirmation.

I'm not entirely sure how a college campus could possibly be considered a home, but I was home this weekend. It was good. I enjoyed community with several of my beloved friends: Heather Miller, Jim, Rachel, Matt, Larry, Momo, Brandon, Megan, Smalls, Don, Kayla, my amazing mentor and friend Christine, and the ever-beautiful Alyssa, the 14 yo I have the blessing of mentoring. (and others, as well)

I am not all that sure what I did to impress young Alyssa, really... but she loves me and loves to be with me. Not that I'm complaining, she is really an outstanding young woman who, at 14, has more wisdom and vision and life within her than most adults. The thoughts and insight she shares is well beyond her years and comes from her tender heart that is searching for God and His best for her... I gotta be honest, she is easy to be with! Her questions and confusions could challenge the most studied of pastors, I'm sure.

We talked this weekend about what it means to "guard your heart," and what the context of the passage is really discussing. We also talked about my desires for her and how I will "answer" her questions in such a way that protects the question, yet gives her guidance. She was all about this and excited to understand why it took me two weeks to give her a real answer.

At one point she stopped her stories and said, "Asher, we ALWAYS talk about ME. I want to know about you!" So, we talked about me for a few minutes. Altogether we spent 2.5 hrs together talking and enjoying milkshakes. :-) She sat across from me and declared... "I don't want you to leave me." I could tell. But what do you do? We both know this is it for a while.

One of the most random things she camped on Saturday was an evening back in March when I brought her and another student who had expressed an interest in helping me prepare for my last teaching at that youth group to campus... and we had a karaoke show in my car to Kelly Clarkston, with one rule, "You cannot sound good" What a funny, freeing time. She said, "remember when?" and requested another one while were together...

:-)

Oi, it was a good weekend.

-Asher
ps- ever doubt that I've truly changed? Well, I can't convince you... but my car randomly died tonight. car problems typically stress me out quick... but I was just like... "oh, well... I guess if worse comes to worse, Im leaving my car here, arnt I?" I even surprised me. I enjoy the moments that show mine or another's growth. It's proof of God in and with me/them. :-)

if you could, pray for Sadie (my car). I'm not really worried, but I am aware that my she has serious issues and I have... no spare money... lol... thanks :)