Hi.

Hellooooo, blogging world...

I've been fairly mute as of late and even I'm surprised by latest stint of silence.

It certainly isn't for lack of thought or ideas, but sometimes life warrents a withholding. And while it is no secret that "times have been tough," I have felt ever more inclined to share very selectively the events of life. This isn't to say that I've stopped writing and creating, because my journals are filling up faster than ever before, but I won't be around here much for a while. Of course, if I know you and you'd like to know what's goin' on, you are free to email me.

Take care, friends.

Asher

Coated in Spring Sludge...

...and I'm totally okay with it.

Sunshine makes everything easier to handle.

As I was running out the door today, I noticed an intense patch of ice at the end of the driveway. I traversed it well and made it safely to the other side to my car. As I was loading up, I realized I forgot fluxx, a must for coffee with Larry. I ran back inside, surviving the ice mountain, and got the cards. Coming back over my icy enemy, I slipped and flew, bum first, into a muddy puddle.

Mind you, I am wearing my khaki corduroys and light blue fleece. And now, the very fashionable accessory of "spring" sludge.

No time to change, I started to climb into my car, my bum and left arm coated with the anathama of the changing seasons, when the box my fluxx cards are kept in, gave way, releasing no fewer than 60 new game cards all over the sludge covered street.

Stunned stillness.

Deep breath in.
Equally deep breath out.

They're just cards.
And the sun is out.

And it's 50 degrees out at ten minutes to 8am

on February10th.

in Michigan.

Okay.
Yep.
I'm good.

I pick up the now coated cards
And go on my way.

An upside to someone cancelling?

I now have time to come home & do laundry.

And frolic in the sunshine.

Hopefully, this time, avoiding puddles of spring sludge!

-Asher Ninja

Better than Kisses from an Enemy

The picture to the left has nothing to do with any of this post. I simply love this girl. Last week we hung out and she got to experience the joy that is the Sparrows. Her name's Alyssa. We've been hanging out since she was 12. She's now 16. What happened??? This week I will be hanging out with Katie, 17, who starts at CU in the fall... oh, their beautiful souls! Anyway...

...Hello! Let's see if I can muster up a significant few words, or something.

Today I'm at the E-GR library, listening to a mumbling-rumbling of children that can in no way be described as "quiet." What's worse is that a fair number of them are actually crying? What about? I have no idea. I loved libraries as a child! Oh dear, one mother just put her child in time out... things are not going well for the little tots.

I'm also enjoying some dark chocolate with mint and rosemary. On the wrapper it claims to be food for the gods. I am inclined to believe them. I'm a huge fan. It's a good motivator for the job hunt I'm continuing today. The best part is it's free of things I'm trying to avoid. And chocolate has been scientifically proven to be good for the soul... or at least one's serotonin and endorphin levels... which is just as good, in my book.

The idea of hope has been touched on quite a bit here in the past few weeks; months, even. I suppose that's because I have this default setting that, even when I want to give up and throw in the towel, says, "hope must be near, it must be found, it must be clung to!" And so on best days I find life-giving joy in hope, difficult days I wonder where hope has gone, and on the very worst days I'm indifferent; not caring if hope stays, goes, or continues on. And I'm beginning to believe that it is not anger or confusion or desperation that destroys the soul, but indifference.

Over the past couple days a few beautiful people have spoken into my life in such a strong, powerful, way it left me in near shock. But when people do such things, especially when it involves ideas that are uncomfortable, especially if found to be true, the best course of action is not to run and hide and be on the defense, but to explore the feedback. For me, it helps to first take some time and space to myself and then, later, be honest with someone I know cares for me about the feedback I received. As terrifying as opening oneself up to that kind of input is, I am amazed by the freedom I have discovered in sitting and wondering in such thoughts and ideas.

And freedom came when I risked it. When I decided not to hide. And that I, on my own, alone in my head with my thoughts and fears, was probably not the best thing ever. And so as I opened up and put to bed the millions of what-ifs that had previously prevented my from inviting in other voices to my circumstance, I learned that perhaps my perspective has been a bit... okay, a lot... backwards. Maybe, instead of assuming this to be true, and watching it bring death to life, (and the true measure of truth, I believe, is whether or not it brings life and light to death and darkness) I could look upon it another way, which, oddly enough, has freed me from a substantial amount of fear and condemnation.

I guess it's safe to say that my theorhetical understanding of community had an abrupt and somewhat painful encounter this week with real life, rubber-hits-the-road, live-it-out-or-surrender-your-beliefs. I know, that sentence makes absolutely no sense. Something tells me you can handle it.

Well, within the time it's take me to tap this out on my laptop, I've seen three sets of dedicated fishermen set up residence on Reeds Lake, finished off my chocolate crafted by the gods, been mistaken for a 17 year old, heard the life stories of three beautiful elderly folk, been hit on by a 20-month old, been told I sound like a sick dog when I tried to laugh quietly, emailed a few contacts, and found an open position for which I am qualified... all in all, not a bad few hours.

Have a good day, my friends. I hope that as you journey through life that you take the time to soak in the love of trusted friends, in all its forms. Sometimes warm and fuzzy and sometimes prickly and painful, may you have the courage and insight to take it in and let it transform you in the deepest part of your soul.

Back in the Zone

Hey, Friends!

It's been a while since I've written anything of substance. Here's why: I've been sick. I'm happy to report (really, really happy, in fact) that I'm feeling much better (I've been up since 9:30am and haven't had an overpowering urge to sleep all day. Woot! Go me.) and am returning my pen-to-paper this evening.

Other random life events include: someone using my credit card in Australia. Fabulous. So my account is frozen and the charges (which are in the triple digits) are in dispute with my bank.

Also (see below): the false appendicitis alarm at 130am from my little sister.

It's been a great, adventurous, week my friends.

There are several pieces of literature that I have in process.

The two I am most excited about are...

---The Adventures of Spork...
[the candid telling of the journeys of a spork that thinks he's batman,
his dueling sidekicks, and the evil expired gallon of milk, they war against]

---Fear and Hope (yet to be named)
[something a bit less... batman]

So, as I said before: wait with me.

Excited to be back in the zone,

Ashlove

Going Bananas!

Hello, friends!

Well, this morning I woke up to my nose bleeding and my throat on fire. Thankfully, the horrific cough I woke up to yesterday showed me some mercy by not acting up. I think I would have started crying had that been the case. After stopping the bleeding I went back to bed. Upon waking up the second time (about a half hour ago) I went in search of some vitamin K: bananas! (because spinach just doesn't sound all that appetizing right now...) So now I've had a banana and I am going back to bed & resting like I'm paid to do so.

A day behind

So, I JUST realized that I've been a day behind, all week.

It is the 23rd, not the 22nd.

Not sure how I managed that one...all week...

My poor journal.

My mom would be so proud...

... I'm wearing trouser socks!

[edit]
the trouser socks paid off! I was interviewed twice. The second interview was almost exclusively regarding my new hampshire experiences; it's a good thing I chose to wrestle with that demon ahead of time! I'll know something no later than December 2nd. Please keep praying! And, in the mean time, if you know of anyone that needs house cleaning, babysitting, etc, please let me know! Income is essential!
[/edit]

Holistic Health: Two

Eliminating all pork from my diet.
Intentionally relaxing my body and mind EVERY DAY
Facing a fear every day.

I think I've posted these lyrics in the past, but I stumbled upon the song again yesterday and found the words to strike a new cord, causing me to ask new questions and consider what change might look like. Read these over and give it some thought.

What emotions or thoughts do they prompt? What questions do they evoke? What would it look like for things to be different? Better?

[Oh My God, by Jars of Clay]

Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."

Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
we make it worse when we don't bleed,
there is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...

Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..

Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense

Oh my God,
Oh my God,
Oh my God

in the lunch room

Awkwardly I shuffle forward, looking for a kind eye, a welcome smile, and empty seat. In a moment, I find myself swaying what could be and what was. Every year the same ritual, the same awkward shuffle forward and suspenseful sway between reality and potential; what is and what could be. After what would seem like eternity, though I'm sure it wasn't more than a minute or two, if that, I spot one or two equally lonely and awkward-looking souls, and gravitate. There is safety in numbers-even awkward ones.

Growing up I moved a lot. In fact, after the ripe old age of 5, the longest I stayed in any one home was 16 months. Every year when school began it was the same routine. New clothes, new shoes, new supplies, the coolest lunch accessories known to man (what was your favorite lunch box during elementary school?), and a new school.

Each time I took in that first look over of the lunch room I remember feeling paralyzed, wishing with the strongest hope a child has, that I could be back at school A, 5, or P8. I no doubt had selective memory on those terrifying days, romanticizing the past "walks of the unknown" where everyone stares at the new girl and wonders what horror befell her to give her such a walk? Was a bear? A car accident? Did she fall off a roof? Convincing myself that last year was easier, I wanted to hide. I wanted to disappear, to go back and never return to this moment... this day... this setting. But a rescuer never came. At least not like I was hoping, swooping me up and carrying me off. So there at the front of the lunch room I remained until, one awkward step after another, I inched forward and found the awkward misfits table, sat down, ate my fruit roll up,(favorite flavor, anyone?) and met the few that would be my life for the next nine months.

Life may not be about lunch rooms, new sneakers, and juice boxes anymore, but it is full of its own version of awkward, difficult, tension-filled moments where I am compelled and even forced to choose between what is and what may be; reality as I know it and an unknown potential resting on the horizon. No doubt, I've encountered such moments before. Graduating college. Accepting a job in New Hampshire. Leaving TC for GR without a job or a place to live and having no money, among many others, but none seem as intense as what I find myself in the midst of right now. I don't know what has merit and what doesn't. I don't know what the next turn holds. I don't know so many things right now. Including where I fit or what my niche is. Who are my friends? My family? Who can I trust? Who should I be avoiding? What lies am I holding onto that need to be laid to rest? What truths do I need to stand up for with a bit more passion? Who, that is speaking into my life, is well-meaning but mislead? Who is "spot on?"

Will I move forward into the awkward unknown, shuffling my new sneakers towards unrealized new things? Or will I stand frozen in the tension, awaiting my tardy rescuer, ready to run the other way?

I'm ready to run.

But I'm hoping I'm strong enough to stay put, inching forward.

Balance [and discipline] Brings Freedom

Sunday I started to tweak out. After my first day with fifty6 I went home. I needed to rest. But being alone seemed to aggrevivate my state. The past two weeks have just been a constant "GOGOGO!!" and I don't mind that so much. I love to be busy. And it's helped me to become more disciplined. I get up at 7am at the latest every day to chill and breathe. Sometimes I write, other times I read, and sometimes I just sit alone in a dark and quiet room.

You see, when I took the myers briggs most recently, I scored just barely (like 2) on the extroversion scale. What this means is that I can swing between extroversion and introversion. So I need my quiet.

After that I'm off to work for a good 10hrs. Afterwards I'm typically exhausted and the extent of my social life is chillin in the living room with Greg and Christine.

Did I mention that I like to get out and have fun?

Sunday I was able to track down a friend and we watched a movie and had dark choc hot chocolate... topped with about half a can of whipped cream. It was amazing. And I was able to breathe. And as I breathed physically I felt myself breathe in every other way, as well.

And last night I got together (randomly) with Megan. We grabbed a bite to eat, chit chatted, and went to the $3.50 movies and saw get smart. Hilarious. And again I breathed. And laughed.

What I've realized, once more, is that it's not enough to just "get things done." I need, and I suspect others do as well, to make balance a priority in my life. When I fail to make balance a priority I'm not the only one who suffers. My workers suffer, my boss suffers, my friends, my community, and even my relationship with God, because I'm living as though the tasks are eternal, and not relationships.

So balance... and the discipline to maintain balance... will be where my freedom is found. Making feeding the I and the E within me a priority. And protecting those I care about from a out-of-shalom Asher, as well.

Grace and Peace, my friends. Grace and peace.

Has it ever just hit you that you are living a good life? You realize things are far from perfect and that the best days are far from being free of trials and shadows, but manage to shine, glisten, and inspire despite the trials and shadows? And have you ever realized that the greatest of crisis could strike and you know everything would be okay because of the friends God has given you? Have you ever felt like you are completely accepted and valued and loved, despite all your flaws? Have you ever felt this way not because of anything that's been said, but because of actions and gestures and what hasn't been said?

Have you ever been able to simply breathe and know, in that moment, when all your striving has ceased and your masks have been shattered, that you are secure in the presence of the Holy One; the One who authored your very life and who sustains you again, and again, and again?

Has it ever gotten to a point where you haven't had to convince yourself and your creator that you're good enough? Where you've been able to sit before Him and sift through life, owning what mistakes needed owning and letting go of things you had no fault in? Where you could authentically say, not only, "these are my weaknesses," but also, "these are my strengths."

Where you've been able to look at your life's critics and cheerleaders both and say, "here, here, and here is where they were spot on" and "here, here, and here is where they misunderstood me and my life."

I am utterly amazed at this, but I have had an increasing number of these moments. And honestly? Truly? I think it's because of the amazingly beautiful, graceful, wonderfully growing people in my life. I have been slowly recognizing these things as truth for me. This isn't something that is true all of the time, but is potently true for this moment, and the moment before that, and maybe the moment after this... but here's the thing- the moments are becoming more and more and more. The authenticity of my failures and weaknesses, but also of my beauty and strengths and gifts. The understanding that I was born with a fallen nature but also that I have been redeemed and am continually in the presence of Grace and endowed with the same power that created all things, that is needed to do wonderful beautifully redemptive, things.

We, as Christians, can hear a lot about the dangers of pride and thinking too much of ourselves. But I believe that the other extreme is just, if not more, dangerous that that. When we are scared to confess our goodness, our beauty, our positives, than we, among other things, are miserably failing to acknowledge and respect the imago dei that we each bear. The journey towards my acceptance of all the wonderfully beautiful, strong things than make me Asher, has been a long, tired journey, full of all sorts of naysayers and hardships that have, until lately, made me feel guilty for identifying positives about myself, or asking others to please treat me respectfully.

It's a journey that will never end, I'm sure. But I must say that I am quite excited to be able to say: My name's Asher Thayer. I am a strong, beautiful, compassionate woman who loves deeply and honestly. I'm not afraid to take on a challenge and I am a gifted writer and mentor, among other things. And I am proud of who I am and the things I've overcome and accomplished, and I will not shrink in shame because my story and strength makes a critic quiver.

Movement

Every few months or so I take a look at my life and take inventory. There's not really a set time table or set content. Just whenever I sense that life has taken a turn or a shift is occurring or maybe I think something is missing or confused. I think now, almost three months since my move back to grand rapids took place, is a good time.

Youth Stuff
I, being me, am back to mentoring students here in the great grand rapids. I love it. Today I oozed over one of my girl's senior photos. No seriously. Last time I checked, she was 15. I also accompanied her to the Dr and experienced her first, very graceful, reaction to the news that she broke her elbow and would be sitting the majority of the season out. Then I listened. And fed her pizza and ice cream. And gave her a present. Hey, it's not a healed elbow, but it's the best I've got.

Also, I'm getting ready (or, shall I say, I've BEGUN) to serve with fifty6. Tonight we basically tried to remember that there is no box. Except for me; I was stuck in a narrative box. Stories stories stories. Gosh, you'd think I was a writer, or something...

Theology Stuff
Significant change here. Much to the dismay of my five point tulip friend (bossardet), I am no longer a "flaming pentecostal" as I was lovingly titled my first year at CU. I am now, what one might call a "conservative continuist" who loves liberty, literegy, and does her best to live out redemption in the divine daily, giving it hands and feet (also known as the social gospel??)

I'm also learning a lot (and loving!) about narrative theology and seriously... it rocks my world...

And, for the first time ever, I am articulating my own beliefs on the end times and death and the new heavens new earth. N.T. Wright is helping a bit. It's the first perspective that actually makes sense to me. No joke guys, up until now, I've avoided making any type of decision on this stuff...


Disciplines
Writing- Although I really do see myself as a creative person and a writer, I'm still figuring out what rhythm works for me.

Sabbath- Is key to my existence. It's like restoring shalom. I love that on Sunday it is the pace of the home I live in.

Prayer- I've yet to begin the fixed-hour prayer that some of you enjoy, but I find that prayer comes most natural for me in freedom. Like breathing, wandering thoughts, nature.

Tithing- A subject of great controversy. For several (about 4 now) years, when I tithe, I usually give directly to someone in need that I know of. This practice was born out of a frustration with my church at the time. I'd see and know of... and know leaders knew of... real, tangible needs in our community that weren't being met. So I decided to give my tithe to people I knew to help ease their burden. It's something I still, to this day, practice. Occasionally I give to the church I gather at every Sunday, but mostly it's individual people. (these are people I know arent going to go spend it on alcohol or pizza or something like that)

creativity- does that count? let's say it does. well, I write. and the city squirrels are a constant source of material for me (there's one that consistantly drops things like apple cores on vinny. seriously.)

-I cant remember the other disciplines right now. Im only up because I cant sleep. (ha! go figure...)


God Stuff
I am learning just how valuable I am. I was reflecting tonight on some horrible things that have been said about me. It can be hard to know what has real grounds and what doesn't. Sometimes well-meaning people say and do hurtful things because they feel it is what needs to be said, etc. And I have to admit, it's easy to let those words be what defines me. But truth is something else entirely. Everyone everywhere is walking around with wounds. Everyone struggles, everyone fights to find freedom in one area or another. And sometimes, well-meaning people with wounds see things distortedly because of that wound (I know I have done this and will do this) and they wound us (wow... the falleness factor)... but the amazing thing is this: we don't have to live under labels and wounds and fears. And I am learning to let the judgments and labels lay where they may and move on. One of my primary responsibilities is to live authentically who I am. To discover and live it out with confidence.

And there's lots more to this section. But not that I can articulate.

Adulthood
I have a job! And I am job hunting. For a real job. ('cause the one I have is fake, you know...)
Next month is my birthday. I would like books. food. and these.
I'm living in community with some super-sweet people. Including this future presbyterian pastor ;-)


Social
I don't really have a social life. Not really. It's one area that really needs some development.
But I think that it will come, in time. I'm not all that concerned, really.

Books
I am STILL reading Zen and the art... as well as Surprised by Hope.
Next? Well, I was hoping something fun/funny. Let me know if you have recommendations.

Hi.

This might be it...

Today
Work 10am-12:30pm (office)
Cedar Springs 1pm-5pm
Dinner w/the Warmingtons 5:30-8pm

Tomorrow
Work 5:45am-2pm (5:45? seriously?? Yep.)

Friday
Work 2pm-close

Saturday
Work 11:30am-close

Sunday
Sabbath

Monday
Day open
Fifty6 meeting 6:30pm-9pm
Leave for TC afterwards

Tuesday-Traverse City
Car things
Lunch with friends?
Dinner with friends?

Wednesday- TC
Doctor Appt
Friend Stuff
Fam time
Damon's first football game of the season
Leave for Pentwater

Thursday- Pentwater
Fun times with the Millers :-)

Friday- GR
Work Open-2pm

Saturday
Work 11am-Close

Sunday
10am- Church @ Sonrise CC
Picnic/cottage on the lake with the Warmingtons

And this doesn't included all the to-be-determined things. Like 1-1s with students, meetings, etc. Not to mention that on the downtimes Im gonna be trying to feed the introvert within me...

So if I don't see you, that's why. Please keep me in your prayers!

My Life is like...

a never-ending "choose your own adventure" book...

...Always changing...

[I will be in Traverse City for two days [Aug 26, 27]. Why? Well, my baby brother (16 years old) asked me to come see him. And I want to see him. Plus, Vinny is scheduled for an appt. up there in the morning on the 26th. But honestly? As soon as my brother asked me to come up and see him, he became my focus. If you want to get together, I have time open in the afternoon on the 27th]


My life lately has taken an a theme of restoration. Sure, there is a self-element to this theme, but it's much larger than me. I have become the hands and feet of restoration; learning what love looks like lived out here in this way. Restoring relationships that encountered some kind of schism, restoring hope to some who are sensing darkness looming, restoring shalom (or at least assisting in its restoration) to youth who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, restoring wonder and beauty and and love as the foundations of life with God.

It's an idea that, when you think about it, is so simple and easy and yet so challenging and demanding, all at the same time.

Think about it.

Life

A few weeks back I wrote that there are certain nights where sleep evades me until I surrender to writing. I find myself in such a situation right now. Mostly I find myself bewildered and slightly disoriented. Could someone pinch me, please?

Are things really coming together? Could my life be entering a healing, grace-filled season for once? Are those who said I would never find a group of people who love and accept me the way they do be wrong? (And thank God for their wrongness, if so!)

I've been fairly secretive about life lately. Sure, you know I have a new car named Vinny and that I have a new job at a coffee house that may be closing, but you don't know the most of it. The truth is that things are (and have been) headed in an amazingly good direction for a bit now. During this time there have most definitely been challenges, but I'm amazed as I look back and realize that these situations were making way for the goodness.

I think my silence has been largely due to the belief that I, somewhere along the way, am simply meant to have a trial and tragedy-filled life. The past excitement of "good things" has only ended in severe heartache and grief. I suppose my heart decided "no more, no more for me!"

But if there's one (two-folded) thing I've learned over the past two years it's that I have a choice and I am responsible for the choice I make and the consequences that follow.

I can allow the fear of a renegade car careening into me to control me and never drive again or I can choose to realize that bad things happen, take a deep breath or two, and get back behind the wheel...

I can allow the fact that I've been wounded by a couple churches in the past couple years to keep me from doing what I most love to do, or I can serve again, this time within a community that share the same values of safety, authenticity, and expression and allow the risk to heal me.

I can choose to not move into a safe-sanctuary type home because I don't know how it will turn out and I've never lived in such an environment, or I can move in and allow the environment, the people, and God to grow, transform, and heal me.

And I can choose to allow the past dictate how I see the future, or I can choose to believe that my God is a good God who loves His children and wants the best for them.

And honestly? The things that are blooming in my life are so beautiful, so full of life that I am holding my breath in wonder, doing my best to not disturb them so that they don't fall away.

So I guess now I'm going to share in the magnitude of my happy things now... but please, don't feel jealous. I'm really just wanting to celebrate and have someone celebrate with me.

The first is Vinny the Vue. Vinny is an amazing gift. He's a 2002 Saturn Vue with just 43,000 miles on him, along with four new tires. He's pretty much is just-bought condition. One of my most favorite features about Vinny is the night vision rear view mirror. Seriously! It's pretty sweet! What's more is he was GIVEN to me! Yeah!

Second is my new job. I'm working at a coffee house off of Alpine. My boss is a great person who values his employees and our input. In fact, he draws upon our ideas, creativity, and the fact that we spend hours and hours each day running his store, to improve and alter things for the better. Please keep this in prayer. If we don't get an investor on Monday of next week we will have to shut our doors and he'll lose his home and my coworker and I will loss our jobs. Not the best situation. But God is big and we believe anything can happen!

Third... well, it looks like I'll be serving along side some amazing people at Mars Hill's Fifty6. This is quite exciting, actually! It will be great to be around students again! YAY!!!

Aaand forth. I've been the most secretive about this because things weren't really finalized and I've learned the value of being slow to speak and not counting chickens before they hatch. But here it is. On Thursday I, along with Deats, will be moving in with one of my college mentors and her husband to live in community with them. The invitation to do so completely shocked both of us and we're still getting a grasp on the fact that it's actually going to happen (in like 31 hours!).... but it is actually going to happen! WHOA!! I can't wait to see this play out and I'm curious about how it will grow and challenge me and what I'll discover about God and life and community and the beautiful souls I'll be living with.

So there you have it. Life is good and I'm lovin' it!

=-)

books!

Anyone know what could be causing my muscle near my elbow (on the inside) to thump/twitch? It's been going on for a couple days and is rather perplexing and, try as I might, I can't seem to dig up an answer.

Deats and I are listening to Phylis Tickle via podcast. Deaty wasn't there. I was and I'm still enjoying it. She (Phylis), on top of educating me, inspires and encourages me to find my voice and identity as a woman-human in ministry. Good stuff, friends, good stuff!

In the past week and a half I've finished three books

God on Mute by Peter Greig
Out of the three, this is the only one I can recommend whole-heartedly. I read this one word-for-word. In other words, I drove miss daisy through the residential area. In this endorsement, I am not saying that I agree with every perspective and conclusion Pete shares with the reader. However, the honest discussion about the all-too-troubling reality of unanswered prayer is one that anyone who has endured the silence of God can draw comfort from. Personally, it has helped me heal a bit, even without answers.

One of the things that gives Pete a leg to stand on is his own story of confusion, helplessness, and frustration as life takes a cold turn for the worse. Perhaps the most ironic of things is that he is one of the "founders" of the 24/7 prayer movement that has spread across continent and sea.

Confessions of a Pastor by Craig Groeschel
I picked this one up on recommendation. I found it for $4 at Kregel in Grandville. I appreciate and support what he was seeking to do. He encouraged honesty and authenticity, two things I advocate strongly, myself. But there seemed to be an underlying judgmental tone that made it difficult for me to take his words seriously. I, too, am frustrated with masked leadership and Christianity, but I'm not sure if being judgmental, or shaming the reader into action at times, is the best way to motivate change.

I ended up beltline-ing through much of this book. Perhaps that's because much of my college education was built upon the idea of becoming holistically-healthy humans who help others become holistically-healthy humans, so much of the points he made were not all that revelatory to me. Yeeep, the BRM department should pay me for these shameless plugs. Seriously.

Jesus Mean and Wild by Mark Galli
A reaction against the idea that Jesus is solely warm and fuzzies, this book hops through the book of Mark, outlining some of Jesus' more rude and politically-incorrect moments. I agreed with a lot of the content, not so much some of the spirit (I perceive) it was written with. I would caution a potential reader to look at the context and make sure that the conclusions the author makes are in line with the context and spirit of the text (the voice of the author, the issues and events of the day).

I loved that this book shared the stories many of the saints of the faith (Loyola, Francis of Assisi, etc). Many of them have insane stories of radical turn arounds. From self-centered sinner to a man who surrenders his clothing and money to his earthy father in order to be adopted into the church family. Amazing stories. For the stories, the book was worth the read. It is also good for me to read things I disagree with because they help me to clarify and articulate what I do believe.

Because I finished three of the four books I was working through, I started Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright and am still working through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig.

Job Interview

Hi, friends! News!

I have a job interview today at 4pm, EST. It's at a bookstore, of all places!

If you all would please pray for me to be calm, confident, and articulate, I would really appreciate it! I am very excited about this prospect.

I have some more writings on identity coming up. If you didn't read the first, here it is, just for you.

Take care!

What's Up Down in GR

Hi guys! Here's just a bit of what's going on in my "world" down in the great GR...

• I've started hanging out with a couple students on a weekly basis. I'm loving every moment of it!
  
• Living in Sparta still with deats and her family. They've extended the invitation indefinitely, which is very much appreciated. I hope (and pray!) that I can find a job and build my savings back up so that I can move out ASAP so that I don't burden them.
• Yesterday I created a quote board for our room. Then first quote? The word "particky." It's a blend of particular and picky. It just rolled off my tongue, what can I say?
• My back pain has returned. Seeing the Dr. three times a week had completely eliminated my chronic back pain I'd been experiencing for the previous 2-3 years. I've enjoyed the break from the pain, but it seems it's back to reality.
• Still job hunting... at this point I'll take anything. One promising position, but it would only be fore a few hours a week. It'll be a start, though.
• I've decided to go back to Mars Hill and make it my home. I wasn't sure at first, but a couple weeks ago I went just to see how I felt, and I knew just moments after I got there that this would be home. I'm going to give myself a few months to heal before I start serving again. Right now I'm content with hanging out with my girls, one-on-one. If I ease in anywhere right away it'll be doing some office work for one of the youth pastors I use to intern for. Easy, non-threatening way to keep a ministry connection and help him out.
• I finally spent the rest of my amazon.com gift money (that was the best present EVER, Kristin) yesterday. I bought N.T. Wright's Surprised by Hope. I've heard some controversy of its contents and I can't wait to dive into it and see what all the fuss is about.

Well, that's pretty much it!

Hope you are all well!

Cake!

Today Deats' momma and I did some bonding. We bought groceries and a couple treats for Rach. Then she took me to lunch (aww) and drove me to GR for an interview so I didn't have to use my fuel (awwwwwww). We checked out a couple used/old/antique bookstores and I fell in love. Old books. Cheap books. Yeeeeeep. *sigh*

When we returned home I baked a cake. I'm pretty proud of it. :-)
Yay cake!