To My Wonderful Customers:

1) I know this may be difficult for you understand, but you're not providing me with job security when you riffle vigerously through my nice, neat display piles as soon as I turn around.
2) Furthermore, when I ask you what can I help you find, notice I didn't ask you if you wanted my help; I'm actually trying to protect my perfect tank table from the destruction that lurks within your overly hurried fingertips.
3) While I do get paid to do what I do, I actually like to help you, so please ask for help instead of using the roll ladders chained off with a sign that says, "EMPLOYEES ONLY." I assure you, we really would prefer it if you didn't fall and crack your head open.
4) And although I know some of our fixtures kind of, sort of, might vaguely resemble a jungle gym, we would actually like your kids and all their appendages to remain in one piece, so if you could please see to it that their feet remain on the floor, we'd appreciate it. Thank you.
5) This may be hard to believe, but I do have two ears and a brain between them. So when you're talking about me, 3 inches in front of my face in a derrogatory fashion, please don't get so angry when I politely ask, "I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with?"
6) I don't decide the prices or return policies, and I didn't design the computer system, either. Please take your anger elsewhere... like, away from me and outside our store.
7) Obviously, we created our rules and regulations just to make you miserable. You were at the center of our thought process.

Yours Truly,
Asher

If you have anything you'd like to tell YOUR customers, post below. =)