...From the Journal

Every once in a while I start writing with one thing in mind and end up somewhere drastically different. I find this to be both frustrating and good. I'm a bit shocked at where my writing took me this evening and I'd like to share it with you. Maybe you'll find encouragement here. Or maybe it'll spark an idea or thought worth chewing on.

This is from my journal and for that reason, you're only getting part of the "entry."
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"...In comparison, though, my prayer then was much lengthier than many of my prayers recently. My short prayers are not because I don't want to interact with God, but because I find myself at a loss for the words themselves to fill a lengthier prayer. And the words I do find? Well, they are drowning in a quiet grief.

And now two days have passed. And honestly? The words are still few and the few are still coated with very real sorrow. Surprisingly, though,

There is hope.

Its source unclear
I'm not even sure when it showed up
Or what brought it here

But here it is.

And I am encouraged.

Not because I know everything will be okay, because I can't know that. And while the unknown grips my soul tight like a pirate would his treasure, I am still encouraged. Why?

I am loved.

And although to be loved doesn't mean I am free from trials and it certainly doesn't protect me from suffering, it does stand close by. Much like, I imagine, a parent who watches their crawler become a toddler. A parent knows that if they don't step back and give their little one space, they will never take those first steps. So they step back from their precious child, the one that bears their image in looks and personality, and hold out their arms cooing, "come on, you can do it." Knowing that if their little one goes for it, risks it, and ventures over to them, it will be a moment the parent will never forget and the little one's life will never be the same.

While I can't say for sure that this is what God is doing, because I am finite, but if he is waiting for me to waddle my way over to his eager hands, he is also doing so much more than simply loving me forward. Because here is the truth: as much as he loves me, he loves all of creation just as much. Ultimately, my change and growth is meant to help others and change and grow so that overs can change and grow. It's really, truly, not about me. And so this... this, whatever it is or will become, can not only grow and mold me, but this can bring redemption and healing and hope and light and freedom and peace to a world that on its bravest of days is trembling beneath the covers, too afraid to get a glimpse of what really lays beyond their cotton shield.

And, if that would be... could be the outcome?

I'm okay with this."
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Grace + Peace