...From the Journal

Every once in a while I start writing with one thing in mind and end up somewhere drastically different. I find this to be both frustrating and good. I'm a bit shocked at where my writing took me this evening and I'd like to share it with you. Maybe you'll find encouragement here. Or maybe it'll spark an idea or thought worth chewing on.

This is from my journal and for that reason, you're only getting part of the "entry."
___
"...In comparison, though, my prayer then was much lengthier than many of my prayers recently. My short prayers are not because I don't want to interact with God, but because I find myself at a loss for the words themselves to fill a lengthier prayer. And the words I do find? Well, they are drowning in a quiet grief.

And now two days have passed. And honestly? The words are still few and the few are still coated with very real sorrow. Surprisingly, though,

There is hope.

Its source unclear
I'm not even sure when it showed up
Or what brought it here

But here it is.

And I am encouraged.

Not because I know everything will be okay, because I can't know that. And while the unknown grips my soul tight like a pirate would his treasure, I am still encouraged. Why?

I am loved.

And although to be loved doesn't mean I am free from trials and it certainly doesn't protect me from suffering, it does stand close by. Much like, I imagine, a parent who watches their crawler become a toddler. A parent knows that if they don't step back and give their little one space, they will never take those first steps. So they step back from their precious child, the one that bears their image in looks and personality, and hold out their arms cooing, "come on, you can do it." Knowing that if their little one goes for it, risks it, and ventures over to them, it will be a moment the parent will never forget and the little one's life will never be the same.

While I can't say for sure that this is what God is doing, because I am finite, but if he is waiting for me to waddle my way over to his eager hands, he is also doing so much more than simply loving me forward. Because here is the truth: as much as he loves me, he loves all of creation just as much. Ultimately, my change and growth is meant to help others and change and grow so that overs can change and grow. It's really, truly, not about me. And so this... this, whatever it is or will become, can not only grow and mold me, but this can bring redemption and healing and hope and light and freedom and peace to a world that on its bravest of days is trembling beneath the covers, too afraid to get a glimpse of what really lays beyond their cotton shield.

And, if that would be... could be the outcome?

I'm okay with this."
___

Grace + Peace

In the Little Things

Remember the Little Girl in Schindler's List?
The one with the red coat?

I first saw this movie in Jr. High.
I was perplexed.
Intrigued.

And naturally, I asked questions.
I wondered about the red coat. Why?
No one had an answer.

Spielberg himself says it's because the Holocaust went on with little opposition for so long; a red blood stain of shame.

When I see the color red in this gray movie

I think

hope.
life.

A splash of what could be, should be, of how things were meant to be in the midst of unfathomable horror and brokenness.



The color red.

It dares to dream and hope while the pain throbs and tears fall.

Hope

Sometimes

the

simplest

things

bring

our

greatest

hope.

Beautiful...

...What we can and must do in the present, if we are obedient to the gospel, if we are following Jesus, and if we are indewlt, energized, and directed by the Spirit, is to build for the kingdom. This brings us back to 1 Corinthians 15:58 once more: what you do in the Lord is not in vain. You are not oiling the wheels of a machine that's about to roll off a cliff. You are not resoring a great painting that's shortly going to be thrown in the fire. You are not planting roses in a garden that's about to be dug up for a building site. You are--strange though it may seem, almost as hard to believe as the resurrection itself--accomplishing something new that will become in due course part of God's new world. Every act of love, gratitude,and kindness; every work of art or music inspired by the love of God and delight in the beauty of his creation; every minute spent teaching a severely handicapped child to read or to walk; every act of care and fir that matter one's fellow human beings, and for that matter, one's fellow nonhuman creatures; and of course every prayer, all Spirit-led teaching, every deed that spreads the gospel, builds up the church, embraces and embodies holiness rather than corruption, and makes the name of Jesus honored in the world--all of this will find its way, throguh the resurrecting power of God, into the new creation God will make. That is the logic of the mission of God. God's recreation of his wonderful world, which began with the resurrection of Jesus and continues mysteriously as God's people live in the risen Christ and in the power of his Spirit, means that what we do in Christ and by the Spirit in the present is not wasted. It will last all the way to God's new world. In fact, it will be enhanced there. -Surprised by Hope, NT Wright

Today was another great day. I spent a better part of the day with Larry on campus. We played games and such with some more great people. Another thanks to deats for trucking me to and from CU.

You'll notice that I'm sharing a lot of positive events lately. Sorry if it's not the most exciting content in the world. To think that I'm sharing the happy things in life with someone makes it even better for me. It's a choice, really.

Focusing on the little joys keep me going. Seeing how God demonstrates His love and care for me in the presence of sunshine, blue skies, green grass, new shades, and the world's best hazelnut coffee, reminds me that it will be okay. I could end up on the streets with no job forever and it would be okay. No matter how hard it is, no matter how people judge me or treat me or hurt me, it will be okay. IT will be okay. It WILL be okay. It will BE okay. It will be OKAY. Yes.

I just finished listening to the mars hill teaching from 4/6/08 "Redefining Hope."

Fairly fitting for life at the moment! I recommend it highly. I believe that if we are honest with ourselves, that we all have situations, big or small, that we intimately find to be hopeless. If you're like me, the teaching might help. One of my fav moments came towards the end, with a quote from N.T. Wright,

Hope, for the Christian, is not wishful thinking or mere blind optimism. It is a mode of knowing, a mode with which new things are possible. Options are not shut down, new creation can happen, God gives His people the feet to walk the path that they are on. God comes on the road and meets us in the midst of the broken places and catches us up in this movement of all things being made new.

:-)