Sabbathing

“I do not frustrate the grace of God:
for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.”
- Galatians 2:21

"As God's fellow workers we urge you to not receive God's grace in vain."
-2nd Corinthians 6

After an insane few days and an unfortunate miss-out on church because of work, I was able to take a day to worship God with rest. To rest in and be aware of this stunning creation of his. To hopefully encounter him in a way that would encourage and exhort me to live wholly and fully, to pursue truth beyond where I am now.

Lately I had begun to neglect the awesome sabbath thing God gave us. I lost sight of its significance and power, its essentialness to my existence and growth. And then a couple weeks ago I began to feel a nagging. Part of the reason I'd begun to let go of sabbathing was because I haven't been all that demanded upon. But lack of work isn't the same as resting and being, I've learned. Resting, pursuing shalom and inviting it in to my life is drastically different than sitting around and doing nothing. And, as though God ordained it, my friends and fellow majors Ben and Jim both shared their two cents on the amazing Sabbath thing I'd been neglecting (both of these gentlemen are AMAZING and I recommend pretty much all of their writings). And, in an unexpected rush, I was back in Spiritual Formation class with my fellow Bible-Religion-Ministry majors, learning first-hand the practices and their necessity we would hopefully lead our students to in the near future. My soul stood up within me and screamed, "I WANT THIS!" like a love-craving puppy, knowing no boundaries. And so today... I sabbathed.

I'm not going to lie: at first I was like tweedle-dum, twiddling my thumbs, but eventually I fell into a rhythm so natural and beautiful, peace overcame me like a wave. Getting to this point took only meditating on this truth: Nothing essential stops when I rest. As Ben explains so well, the world won't end, people won't die, and projects won't walk away in protest. (Though it'd be nice if they would, sometimes!)

As the sun shown (75 degrees!) I was reminded of God's good nature, and how he just can't help but to restore life to a creation once dormant beneath snow and ice and gloomy gray clouds. It is his nature; redeemer, restorer, creator. And then I thought, "wow, that's so how he loves me! restoring life to my broken soul, creating potential out of disaster, and hope from despair."

And it's true, he does just that for me. But not just for me, for everyone. Everyone I have ever come across has a story of heartache, of betrayal, of doubt and confusion; are we good enough? Is there hope? Will we, too, be redeemed? And the answer? YES. Yes, yes, and yes again! It's not easy, and yes, there are days when I bawl my eyes out, pleading with God to get me out of this wretched existence before I poison the world with the disease that is my brokenness and inadequacy, but the truth is, in those moments, I've allowed the rawness of the moment (which is fine, my friends, in and of itself) to cause me to forget that God is present with me, crying with me, more near to me than my next sob-filled breath, longing to restore my soul to joy.

Today, in the midst of my Sabbathing, I read Second Corinthians. All of it. I couldn't stop. My soul wanted more and so my eyes moved on and on and on, and then bam... there was Galatians. But I stopped. 13 chapters of Paul is more than enough for one day. During my all-you-can-eat session with the scriptures, I really came to love Paul. We became confidants, partners in righteousness and affliction. He got it, I felt. At one point Paul is talking about boasting and how he can only truly boast in his sufferings, and he was given a messenger of satan as a thorn in his side. Can you imagine? Talk about a reason to complain. But he doesn't. (It makes you wonder, really. He and Job are probably good buddies in Heaven, don'tya think? " Hey Job, remember when God believed in you so much he let satan kill your family?" "Yeah man, that was rough! Remember when he gave you one of satan's messengers to keep you dependent on his grace?") But in his pleadings for deliverance, Paul is exhorted, "my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." And so, Paul, being Paul, is like, "oh, alright, God, if you say so" (Paul doesn't literally say that, but you get me).

Earlier on in chapter 6 (and also in Galatians 2) the church is exhorted to not frustrate the grace of God. This phrase and idea caught my attention immediately and I had a winded-soul moment. I am famous for my amazing (though admittedly, not good) ability to beat myself up over missing the mark, making a mistake, sinning. Seriously, I am at least 88 times harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. And when I thought about the idea that my self-righteousness behavior allows the law a place and makes the death of Christ pointless and vain, I am convicted. Who am I to deprive myself of the grace and mercy of God that he himself wanted for me and gave to me despite my imperfections and follies?

So maybe next time I fall or am imperfect or I'm not sure which way to head, I'll put down the gloves and embrace this truth and rest firmly in the gift of grace Jesus gave me when he went, unselfishly, to the cross.

And maybe you can embrace it, too.

Shalom

ps- Paul also makes a comment about his lacking speaking abilities in 2nd corinthians. yeah, we're pretty much soul mates.