Graduate School

It's officially official... I am, once again, in the process of applying to grad school. I am excited and scared. I don't know about you, but putting myself, my heart, my dreams, my intellect, down on a piece of paper or two for a complete stranger to judge (or, in Christian-approved lingo, "discern") is simply nerve-wrecking. Especially because if I am honest in the way I respond to the essay prompts, my answers reveal large chunks of my humanity; my brokenness.

It's been a challenge so far. I have to resist the desire to go "academic" and provide the "audience" with what I think they want, instead of showing them who I am and what Talbot and Grad School would mean for my life. So, on the advice of a friend, I am writing the essays to myself, creatively and authentically. Then I will edit. Then they will be sent to meet their fate at the admissions office of Talbot School of Theology. Consequently, their fate will also be mine!

My writing style, even when writing academically, is very... well, not normal. When asked to write a paper on my dream junior high ministry for a class, I initially struggled to write it because it was listy and boring. So... after trying to write it for THREE WEEKS, I produced a much more "asher" paper in a story that provided all of the required information without sounding listy or prompt and answer... the night before it was due. While I liked the paper, I was terrified. I wasn't sure how it would be received. When the day came to get our grades back, the prof said he was concerned; some of us didn't grasp the point of the assignment (my fear level shot up a couple notches) and that he wanted to share, quite possibly, the best paper he had ever received. (Obviously not mine...) He read. It WAS mine. And by the second sentence I was red in the face from embarrassed laughter that lasted the duration as he read my paper... in its entirety... to the class.

So, Toran, you are my inspiration... you and your celebration of my writing... as I write my essays. That experience was very VERY good for me as I continue to embrace me and all the aspects of my personality, talents, and faults. I shine best when I am true to who I am... and I guess if Talbot doesn't like who I am then Talbot isn't where I need to be! So there...

Regardless, I will have every aspect of my application done by Thanksgiving. There's some heavy-duty accountability present to ensure that. It's funny, it's kinda being treated as a life-or-death thing... maybe because there's a very real understanding among my friends that this really is a huge part of my dreams and I need some help overcoming a fear or two.

:-) ;-) :-P

Asher