Life

A few weeks back I wrote that there are certain nights where sleep evades me until I surrender to writing. I find myself in such a situation right now. Mostly I find myself bewildered and slightly disoriented. Could someone pinch me, please?

Are things really coming together? Could my life be entering a healing, grace-filled season for once? Are those who said I would never find a group of people who love and accept me the way they do be wrong? (And thank God for their wrongness, if so!)

I've been fairly secretive about life lately. Sure, you know I have a new car named Vinny and that I have a new job at a coffee house that may be closing, but you don't know the most of it. The truth is that things are (and have been) headed in an amazingly good direction for a bit now. During this time there have most definitely been challenges, but I'm amazed as I look back and realize that these situations were making way for the goodness.

I think my silence has been largely due to the belief that I, somewhere along the way, am simply meant to have a trial and tragedy-filled life. The past excitement of "good things" has only ended in severe heartache and grief. I suppose my heart decided "no more, no more for me!"

But if there's one (two-folded) thing I've learned over the past two years it's that I have a choice and I am responsible for the choice I make and the consequences that follow.

I can allow the fear of a renegade car careening into me to control me and never drive again or I can choose to realize that bad things happen, take a deep breath or two, and get back behind the wheel...

I can allow the fact that I've been wounded by a couple churches in the past couple years to keep me from doing what I most love to do, or I can serve again, this time within a community that share the same values of safety, authenticity, and expression and allow the risk to heal me.

I can choose to not move into a safe-sanctuary type home because I don't know how it will turn out and I've never lived in such an environment, or I can move in and allow the environment, the people, and God to grow, transform, and heal me.

And I can choose to allow the past dictate how I see the future, or I can choose to believe that my God is a good God who loves His children and wants the best for them.

And honestly? The things that are blooming in my life are so beautiful, so full of life that I am holding my breath in wonder, doing my best to not disturb them so that they don't fall away.

So I guess now I'm going to share in the magnitude of my happy things now... but please, don't feel jealous. I'm really just wanting to celebrate and have someone celebrate with me.

The first is Vinny the Vue. Vinny is an amazing gift. He's a 2002 Saturn Vue with just 43,000 miles on him, along with four new tires. He's pretty much is just-bought condition. One of my most favorite features about Vinny is the night vision rear view mirror. Seriously! It's pretty sweet! What's more is he was GIVEN to me! Yeah!

Second is my new job. I'm working at a coffee house off of Alpine. My boss is a great person who values his employees and our input. In fact, he draws upon our ideas, creativity, and the fact that we spend hours and hours each day running his store, to improve and alter things for the better. Please keep this in prayer. If we don't get an investor on Monday of next week we will have to shut our doors and he'll lose his home and my coworker and I will loss our jobs. Not the best situation. But God is big and we believe anything can happen!

Third... well, it looks like I'll be serving along side some amazing people at Mars Hill's Fifty6. This is quite exciting, actually! It will be great to be around students again! YAY!!!

Aaand forth. I've been the most secretive about this because things weren't really finalized and I've learned the value of being slow to speak and not counting chickens before they hatch. But here it is. On Thursday I, along with Deats, will be moving in with one of my college mentors and her husband to live in community with them. The invitation to do so completely shocked both of us and we're still getting a grasp on the fact that it's actually going to happen (in like 31 hours!).... but it is actually going to happen! WHOA!! I can't wait to see this play out and I'm curious about how it will grow and challenge me and what I'll discover about God and life and community and the beautiful souls I'll be living with.

So there you have it. Life is good and I'm lovin' it!

=-)