Red Lights, State Police, & Jacob's Well

Normally I wouldn't be so open about this, but something divinely beautiful occurred last night, and I wanted to share it, hopefully pointing to the goodness of God by the end of it.

Yesterday was a pretty rough day. Though I only worked 5 hours, it just seemed to drag on and on and on... and on... and of course, I had a few extremely crabby costumers to make everything that much more flustering. Woohoo, right? And, my shoes split open, so this morning on my way to work I had to go purchase shoes and socks because my feet we soaked. And I also bought myself a much needed belt and a sweater for the winter. I bought the belt and sweater under the assumption that I had a check with several hundred dollars worth on its way... but my mom was wrong, and I was wrong... no big deal, right? I can still squeeze by, and next time I wont believe my mom when she tells me I have money at their house.

After work I went home and Lindsey and I made plans to meet at the Well around 8pm. So I'm headed to the well, just a few minutes away, when a light in front of me turns yellow... I start to slow, but then realize I would need to slam on my breaks and I wasnt sure, with the nasty weather, if that was the safest thing to do, so I looked both ways and kept going, when as soon as I entered the intersection, it turned red... and of course, as my luck would have it, a state trooper was behind me. Great. Wonderful.

I pull over, the cop asks me what I was thinking, I tell him, he tries to discredit my thoughts, goes away, comes back, and gives me a ticket. He then tries to explain to my how yellow lights stay yellow for 6 seconds or something like that... I politely asked him if he could spare me the details and and hand me my "civil infraction," he does, I leave, and I begin to cry.

A ticket may not be the biggest deal, but remember... I have no money. At the end of this month I will have $0, and I'm freaking out, because there is obviously NO money in my account for this... and I feel really bad, because I wasnt trying to disregard the law. I thought I was choosing the lesser of the two evils. Seriously, folks, I have never ever been issued a warning. I have never gotten out of a ticket. I don't cry in front of cops because I dont believe emotional manipulation is right, ever. But I gotta be honest, I was really hoping for some grace, some mercy. Of course, I immediately thought of the three people I watched run through an already red light, in a row, earlier that day... right in front of a cop... it was so hard for me to resist the temptation to say "it's not far," because the truth is, I desire to live safely and appropriately... and I had been caught making a mistake.

I pulled myself together and went inside the well, and someone asked me "how are you?" And I declared, "I believe God hates me." I turned around and walked out of the Well. Lindsey followed me, and eventually got me to go inside... when I got inside I started to cry, and turned around to go back outside, but Lindsey stopped me. Don't run, just sit, and stay with us.
And I did. And I cried for a good hour or more. I was despairing. How in the world was I going to find the money? How were things going to work? I've been bent on not asking others for help, because I don't want to outuse the generosity of those around me; I've wanted to make it myself.

Casey and Lindsey just sat with me. Casey rubbing my back without stopping, the entire time I was crying, Lindsey doing her best to listen and understand. Elizabeth made us hot chocolate, and Justin, who never does this, "danced" an interpretive dance with a chair for me. It was one of the funniest things I've seen yet.

And when I was expressing some pretty faulty ideas of God, Casey gently redirected me, stating that he knew I knew better, and I could be upset, but not to stay on that.

Maybe God doesn't want me to fall flat on my face again. Maybe He wants me to see that there are some parts of His body that are more than willing to meet my needs when I cannot, even if tell them "no."

I left the Well with $90 toward the payment of my ticket.

-Asher