Affirmation & Self-worth

(^ooo...look at the clever title. yep, I'm cool... practically a rockstar, even...)

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't listen to a friend, be it a guy or a girl, that is desperate for the affirmation and approval from someone they've determined to be the one that can make themselves feel good about themselves. I struggle pretty strongly with this, as well.

But being the compassionate person I am, it breaks my heart when I'm holding my friends, stroking their beautiful hair and faces, watching the tears fall. Sobbingly, they ask questions I cannot answer: "What's she got that I don't?" "Why am I always looked over?" "When will I be the one loved and talked about?" Or, for my guy friends, I sit, watching and listening attentively, "How can she throw what we had away?" "How am I suppose to move on?" Again, I have no answers. I can offer no comfort beyond that of a soothing stroke.

I don't get it. I mean, I suppose I do, partially. It's usually traced back to a lack of good parenting, particularly from the father. We women didn't hear that we were/are valuable, gorgeous, worth while, from our fathers. And men, I've been told, didn't hear that they are competent, capable, strong, worth, etc. It's an entirely unfortunate situation. But when we NEED to be in a relationship in order to be validated as a person, or we NEED a certain individual to act a certain way or say certain things in order to have the slightest idea that we are beautiful, strong, worthy, capable, we are standing on shotty ground, guaranteed to cause great pain and damage. And we know this because we know ourselves. I'm not sure about you, but I know myself to be a painfully selfish individual whose giftings allow that fault to go generally unnoticed by most. Because I am selfish, I fail to see some one's need from time to time, and if they are looking to me for their root source of validation as a person, be it woman or man, I will cause them great pain.

In the words of my mentor Don Perini, "Don't hear what I'm not saying." I'm not saying that we shouldn't encourage each other. I'm not saying that we shouldn't call our brothers in Christ strong, wonderful, thoughtful, and handsome, or our sisters in Christ, caring, beautiful, gifted, and amazing, because we should. At least, that is the ideal. As Christians our very existence and presence should liberate others to discovers their true selves without shame or insecurity. This is a very biblical concept. One person, however, cannot be the foundation of worth for another. If a boy doesn't look your way, sweetheart, it's okay. And although I cannot guarantee you a man, I do know that God carefully crafted you and longs to see you dance in freedom and confidence. You, no doubt, have heavy burdens and deep wounds from a life lived, just as I do, so this truth is probably difficult to understand or received with skepticism. While I'd love for you to believe me, I'm hoping to plant a seed so that one day when a man, woman, or even your kitten shows you little/no affection, you might think, "Hey, that's okay. I know that I am a strong, caring, beautiful/handsome woman/man with great worth and purpose."

It takes time, and I'm "okay" with that ("okay" meaning I wish everyone could get it over night, for their sake, but it won't happen like that and it's certainly okay to be in process... unless you're me, of course. I expect myself to get it over night. Rest assured, though, because you're not me, are you? *wink*) And so you know, this post is mostly for me. If you got something from it, wonderful. That is why I share my thoughts. =)