Better than Kisses from an Enemy

The picture to the left has nothing to do with any of this post. I simply love this girl. Last week we hung out and she got to experience the joy that is the Sparrows. Her name's Alyssa. We've been hanging out since she was 12. She's now 16. What happened??? This week I will be hanging out with Katie, 17, who starts at CU in the fall... oh, their beautiful souls! Anyway...

...Hello! Let's see if I can muster up a significant few words, or something.

Today I'm at the E-GR library, listening to a mumbling-rumbling of children that can in no way be described as "quiet." What's worse is that a fair number of them are actually crying? What about? I have no idea. I loved libraries as a child! Oh dear, one mother just put her child in time out... things are not going well for the little tots.

I'm also enjoying some dark chocolate with mint and rosemary. On the wrapper it claims to be food for the gods. I am inclined to believe them. I'm a huge fan. It's a good motivator for the job hunt I'm continuing today. The best part is it's free of things I'm trying to avoid. And chocolate has been scientifically proven to be good for the soul... or at least one's serotonin and endorphin levels... which is just as good, in my book.

The idea of hope has been touched on quite a bit here in the past few weeks; months, even. I suppose that's because I have this default setting that, even when I want to give up and throw in the towel, says, "hope must be near, it must be found, it must be clung to!" And so on best days I find life-giving joy in hope, difficult days I wonder where hope has gone, and on the very worst days I'm indifferent; not caring if hope stays, goes, or continues on. And I'm beginning to believe that it is not anger or confusion or desperation that destroys the soul, but indifference.

Over the past couple days a few beautiful people have spoken into my life in such a strong, powerful, way it left me in near shock. But when people do such things, especially when it involves ideas that are uncomfortable, especially if found to be true, the best course of action is not to run and hide and be on the defense, but to explore the feedback. For me, it helps to first take some time and space to myself and then, later, be honest with someone I know cares for me about the feedback I received. As terrifying as opening oneself up to that kind of input is, I am amazed by the freedom I have discovered in sitting and wondering in such thoughts and ideas.

And freedom came when I risked it. When I decided not to hide. And that I, on my own, alone in my head with my thoughts and fears, was probably not the best thing ever. And so as I opened up and put to bed the millions of what-ifs that had previously prevented my from inviting in other voices to my circumstance, I learned that perhaps my perspective has been a bit... okay, a lot... backwards. Maybe, instead of assuming this to be true, and watching it bring death to life, (and the true measure of truth, I believe, is whether or not it brings life and light to death and darkness) I could look upon it another way, which, oddly enough, has freed me from a substantial amount of fear and condemnation.

I guess it's safe to say that my theorhetical understanding of community had an abrupt and somewhat painful encounter this week with real life, rubber-hits-the-road, live-it-out-or-surrender-your-beliefs. I know, that sentence makes absolutely no sense. Something tells me you can handle it.

Well, within the time it's take me to tap this out on my laptop, I've seen three sets of dedicated fishermen set up residence on Reeds Lake, finished off my chocolate crafted by the gods, been mistaken for a 17 year old, heard the life stories of three beautiful elderly folk, been hit on by a 20-month old, been told I sound like a sick dog when I tried to laugh quietly, emailed a few contacts, and found an open position for which I am qualified... all in all, not a bad few hours.

Have a good day, my friends. I hope that as you journey through life that you take the time to soak in the love of trusted friends, in all its forms. Sometimes warm and fuzzy and sometimes prickly and painful, may you have the courage and insight to take it in and let it transform you in the deepest part of your soul.