In the Aftermath of Grace

Hello, hello!

You know, it truly does feel like Monday to me. For a couple reasons. I don't generally return from my travels on Saturday (as I did, yesterday), but Sunday. And, the entire reason I had planned to return to GR on Saturday was so that I could go to Mars... but then I woke up and our street is without power and we couldn't shower. And I won't torture my community like that; it just wouldn't be right. In fact, on my way to where I am, I happened across an intersection where the lights were out... and it's that funky intersection where you have to go straight and glide left half way through to go straight. I think it's Fuller and Lake (the intersection north of fulton/fuller), but I've been wrong about these things before.

Anyway...

I took a bit of a break from the 'net while in TC. It was a good move. Removing myself from something that keeps me perpetually stimulated and mentally passive most of the time, was a good challenge. Christmas day I completed 25 sudoku puzzles, in a row... literally, instead of allowing myself to be sucked into a passive state the entire day. Needless to say, my brain hurt by evening. Numbers never have been my thing. History, words, people, ministry is where I camp out. And for good reason.

I left for Traverse after a meeting in Jenison. I left at just a few minutes after 3pm. Generally, a trip from GR to TC takes just about two.5 hours. The weather and road conditions where so tretcherous that an hour after leaving, I was only just south of Rockford on 131. We (fellow bravehearts and I) were going anywhere between 5-20mph. Then some renegade driver behind me decides that the pace is simply insufficient, and tries to pass me. He swerves out of control and it's nothing short of a miracle that he or anybody else, wasn't hit, injured, or worse. He chilled out, as did everyone else feeling a little eager, after that. I arrived in TC around 7:30, a full four.5 hours after I left. Man-o-man, I was drained. But I wasn't done. Had I gone out to my parents, it would have taken about 40 minutes more. Instead, though, my little sister had a basketball tournament in town. So I stopped at one of my favorite spots and got a soy matcha green tea latte. One of the best drinks ever invented. And was on my way to find the school and a parking spot. Ha.

I'm not one real big on sports... at least at cheering when I watch them, anyway. But watching my little sister play her heart and soul out had me stressed beyond what can be healthy. I had next to no voice by the end of it and both my dad and I were pretty sure our hearts were going to burst. My sis scored 19 out of the 60 points her team scored. She had countless assists and rebounds! One of her teamates also scored 19 points. And, for the first time ever, the team that always hosts this tournament, lost. She was also named as part of the "all-tourney" team; five girls selected from all the teams in the tournament that exemplfied excellence in play, attitude, character, etc... !!! I had no voice after that. I am one proud big sis.

To make all this better, she was clueless that I even knew about the game, let alone that I'd be there. She figured it out, I guess, when they were announcing the starting players when several of her teamates (who I know) saw me and pointed me out to her. After the game my near-six-foot tall baby sister ran up to me, screaming, picking me up off the ground, hugging me. Definitely the best reception EVER. We returned home, my mom and I had a couple glasses of wine, and I kicked everyone's butt in phase 10. I have pictures to prove it.

The end of glass number one. An awkward shot of my dad, as well.

The scoreboard. I'm third over from the left. You'll notice that my score isn't the lowest.
I still won. Score is only important in the event of a tie.
You win by completing each of the 10 phases of Phase 10 before any of your opponents.
I rock.

Blurry, but my sis about to lick my dad. And people think I'm strange...

The next day, I had an early breakfast with my friend Jason and he got me on the subject of ministry. Which, of course, lights me up. I went on and on about student ministry and different successes and failures and how mentoring is the key to this and that and basically, I didn't shut up for about 40 minutes. Sorry Jason. He seemed to not mind so much, though. After that, my sister, brother, and my little brother's girlfriend (!!), and I spent the day together. It was a pretty solid. The next day, or course, was Christmas day, which began much later than normal.

My man of a baby brother. He kept commenting about how little I am.
I kept telling him I've always been this small, he's simply a man now.
He, of course, found my size hilarious.

My dad's idea of wrapping a christmas present.
The best part about this, is it was my idea. Of course, I was joking...
My dad... oh man...

Friday was a great day. I drove out to Kingsley to see a friend who was back in town from Vermont for Christmas. There we wii-d for about two.5 hours. I was exhausted afterword. Went to Borders with Lindsey (had another soy matcha green tea latte) and when we were through I went to the little chapel at St. Francis to meet up with Casey T and took the opportunity to breathe. Parker was there, too!! I hadn't seen him since my going away party, when he was randomly visiting from Chicago. He was back in town from Milwaukee this time! So the three of us went downtown to Serenity, a tea room, and talked. And there in the midst of a conversation on tattoos and Philippians (go ahead and try to figure out the connection there, I dare ya) Parker took the roll of the encourager he is and said,

"Nobody defines you, Asher."
mmmmm...

Thank you, brother Parker.
(if you want that story, Id be glad to share, email or call me)

Casey and I journeyed back to his mom's for dinner and then went to the Well. Dear God, I had forgotten how much joy the well adds to my life. I received and gave enough hugs to warm the coldest of Dark Nights (St. John of the Cross reference). I laughed hysterically, met new people, and introduced many to the joy that is the game of Fluxx. It was great to see so many wonderful friends who, ironically, were also in town just for the holidays and looking to reconnect. I even saw a few people who SCREAMED in delight when they saw me. Such a reaction was surprising (to say the least) and helped me to see how God had used me at the Well and to remember that serving God and "doing" ministry is not about doing huge monumental things for God, but being consistent and living freely in our strengths and weaknesses. {when we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. ~nelson mandela} And what would the Well be without me getting hit on by a creepy older man? Yep. That happened, too. (see my facebook wall, under favorite quotes for some context) :-)

Saturday I woke up exhausted and coughing. I met Casey at Oryana for lunch. Oryana is my favorite "little" co-op in TC. It's actually quite big, as far as co-ops go, and has a cafe where they serve up amazing organic, sustainable, and local foods. Yum. (Stay away from the gimchi/kimchee, though. Unless, of course, you enjoy fermented veggies. If that's the case, then, by all means, have at it!) It was the first real food I'd had since Tuesday morning and it was amazing. Afterword I met up again with Lindsey at Borders and then I headed back to GR.

My friends, hands down, made my trip to TC worth it. I love being around them because they are absolutely beautiful souls, inside and out. I am endlessly thankful for them and the fact that they believe in me even when I don't, that they see potential and greatness and call forth life when I have forgotten how to recognize such things within myself. And the best part? They do so unprompted. They don't wait for me to ask, they don't wait for a great conversation of the soul, they just do so because they know, at the core, the the soul is truly who we are and that calling it forth into light is something they are compelled and bound to do, as willing slaves of the Father God.

So here I sit, in the aftermath of grace, Wii-shoulder and all (I did, afterall, bowl a 258), intently thankful and with a fond and gentle smile across my face and soul.

If you read all this, congratulations. And thank you.

I hope your holidays were beautiful and wonderful.

Apartment = Sold!

Official, yet flexible, move date: May 30th, 2oo8!

What does the future hold?

I have had tentative plans to move to Grand Rapids this summer since November-December of 2007. There are many reasons for this. Traverse City seems too small. I desperately miss my friends and mentors downstate. I can imagine what Paul felt when he said, "I long to be with you." The ache is insane and unrelenting. The job market up here... what job market?

And as much as I love my church here and my students... they are soooo beautiful and precious and amazing and they have more faith at 14, 15, 16 than I have at 24 and a half... I feel misfit. Despite my pleading and praying I've got no one pouring into me on a regular basis (apart from youth leadership stuff) so that I can have accountability and a safe place to be real, authentic, even on the bad days. Right now things are good; I love mentoring students and drying their tears and embarrassing them with praise when they step out on the limb, no matter the outcome. I love promoting life. I love stirring up the happiness, the dreams and hopes and what ifs within them. I love seeing them worship God and tell others about Jesus. I can hardly contain my joy when I see them serving a stranger or offering to pray when someone is sick. And this week is baptisms. I am beside myself excited! Yes, things are good.

But things are also not so good. My family is going through a lot of junk right now. With my dad a self-employed builder/contractor, and the housing industry in what seems a never-ending slump, they have no money. And I have even less. I can't seem to find a steady job in this town that fits not only my passions and giftings, but is also sensitive to my physical challenges. I know that society will eventually change, but I guess I'm a bit ahead of the game. And I am in desperate need of a mentor in the flesh and blood. I have been pleading and praying since early fall of last year.

So the move would hopefully provide me with a community of those who love me and can pour into me. It would also increase my ability to find a good job. Not to mention that living in Grand Rapids is waaaay cheaper than living in TC, despite the fact that GR has city tax and TC doesn't. That's right, folks: MY birthplace is your vacation.

Well, all that to say: I received word tonight that the plans I've hoped on may not be able to come to fruition. It's not per lack of desire on the other person's part, but a difficult and potentially unavoidable situation. So I am not angry. But I am sad. Really sad. I want to believe in TC as my home, but when I'm honest, GR is the only place I've EVER felt truly at home in all the ways one feels at home when they are there.

And the heartbreak brings tears.

Despite my best efforts to remember that God has a great plan developed in His all-knowingness, it hurts in the depth of my soul.

:-)

The sheer joy I am experiencing now.. I can't really explain it! I returned from a long weekend in Grand Rapids (my home away from home) just two and a half hours ago. I already miss it; longing for the environment of love, encouragement, and joy that I have down there. Prior to heading for GR I felt worn out and lacked confidence in my ability to survive the winter. Just an hour and a half into my vacation there I began to feel renewed, loved, significant. I had more energy than I knew what to do with. Strange, huh?

I talked with Dr. Adams, who shared some of his own ministry experiences that helped me realize, seeing where he is now and knowing many of the things God has used him in, that one bad go of it isn't the end of me... or anyone else... in ministry. After that I hung out with Perini (mentor/friend 1) for a while, spent some quality time with Heather, had dinner at B-dubs, etc. The next day I went to chapel and simply "was" in the company of 300 or so, albeit tired and sluggish, of my peers. I then had coffee with Larry (mentor/friend 2), Lunch with Christine (mentor/friend 3), and spent the rest of the day with Megan, the Birthday girl. Saturday, Heather and I (along with a couple others) went to lunch and a movie and then went home to her family's, went shopping for Superbowl with the girls, went to coffee with Brad and Rebekah, and then to bed. Sunday was Church and the Superbowl. And then I left. Boo. On the upside, I got to see some friends and the Well when I got in town. Including this man:


This post is kinda list-y, and for that I apologize, but the refreshing that my soul received cannot be overstated. And I'll write some specific thoughts later. But for now, I must rest.

Peace,
AA