Somber Solace

Beginning these types of entries is always a challenge. How do I communicate what needs to be said in an honest, authentic, and appropriate way?

Last night we "redefined" our relationship. "We" being Nicholas and I. What that means now is that we are not a couple, yet want to remain friends. Personally, I'm hoping he gives me a day or a few to heal before we resume the friendship stuff. I am overwhelmed with all ranges of emotion. And when I think of all that I learned and all the ways I grew, it is difficult to grasp that it's over. I am praying that I can learn and heal through this process and resist the urge to wear a mask that says "all is well and bright in my world," but not be so wounded that the hope of Jesus does not shine.

God is good and he has provided me with friends that have and will let me cry and leaders that write me emails of encouragement and call and say, "hey, I'm here" and girlfriends who take me home even though the want to stay out and who bring over ice cream and automatically side with me because I'm their girl. I am thankful that even the ones who didn't agree with Nicholas and I being together have said, "this was real and it's okay to grieve."

I want to resist the urge to say, "here's all the good in this" because I want to feel what's going on inside and know that I have dealt with this in a way that won't come back to bite me later. I want to take my time and feel what I'm feeling, be where I am at, and move on when I'm ready.

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my 15 yr old brother is more accident prone than I, it seems. Last month he had a level-three sprain, and last night he broke his left collar bone. Prayers for him would be awesome. thanks!
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