Unassuming Love

I've been feeling really discouraged lately.
In the midst of everything

there is doubt.

inescapable
suffocating
overwhelming

And yet?

There is grace.

I'm currently talking with one of my former employees from the cafe.
She is great; one of those people and employees you just want around
all the time

Well, she's busy with school and an internship so I basically told her could come back to work "whenever"

She really is that great!

We haven't seen or talked since before I was laid off.
And so now she knows.

And here's where it's important to not overlook God's grace and love.
Because sometimes, they can be hidden.

She said to me, minutes ago, after I explained I was a little worried about my closely approaching future:

"...when I was sick, long story short, the infection i had sent random pains throughout my legs so bad I couldn't walk good for awile and I thought of you, how you have that every day of your life and how you never complained and were so positive...that really helped. so hang in there! I think you're a really strong person and I admired you for that.

I think you probly touch alot of lives without knowing just being YOU!"

...

and moments later? She says, unprompted and out of nowhere,

"so I think you should be a writer."



Thank you, God, for the
reminders
small and unassuming as they can be,
that You love me and are involved and invested into my life.

Holistic Health: Two

Eliminating all pork from my diet.
Intentionally relaxing my body and mind EVERY DAY
Facing a fear every day.

I think I've posted these lyrics in the past, but I stumbled upon the song again yesterday and found the words to strike a new cord, causing me to ask new questions and consider what change might look like. Read these over and give it some thought.

What emotions or thoughts do they prompt? What questions do they evoke? What would it look like for things to be different? Better?

[Oh My God, by Jars of Clay]

Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."

Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
we make it worse when we don't bleed,
there is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...

Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..

Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense

Oh my God,
Oh my God,
Oh my God

Joining the bandwagon

Disclaimer: don't take this too seriously, but there is some real truth to the results, just the same.

What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. Emergent/Postmodern 82% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 71% Neo orthodox 61% Roman Catholic 57% Fundamentalist 54% Classical Liberal 50% Modern Liberal 29% Charismatic/Pentecostal 29% Reformed Evangelical 7%

This post is in honor of my friends Deats & Jes.

Ohh... Casey Truelove... you can see the catholic influence creeping in... :-)
Deats, how am I more fundamentalist than you and you more pentecostal than me? what up with that, yo?

In other news:

• I am freaking exhausted. And slightly grouchy because of it. 'Tis a good things deaty loooooves me... or I'd be on the street!
• I could go for some chocolate ice cream
  
• If I could get paid to read books I like that'd be the most amazing income ever. And then I could volunteer myself as a youth pastor!
  

Poker

Tonight I spent my entire night at the well. It was a great release after literally cramming my world into Sadie (my Saturn) and moving out. (which means I packed! YAY!) I had hoped to read and write. Instead, I ate dinner with a couple cool cats, made a few drinks for patrons, and played an intense games of spoons. Spoons is such a great game, seriously.

When the guys tired of spoons, they suggested poker. And although I insisted I didn't know how, it's poker we played. Sorry "Sexy Rexy," (the nickname for CU's former president, who wrote a book on the evils of gambling) but I actually like the game. And I was doing alright towards the end. Mostly I just had good and patient teachers.

It's weird to think that tonight was my last Friday in TC. Kinda sad, in a nostalgic sort of way. I know that GR is my next step, but I have some amazing friends, like Casey and Jason, that I will truly miss. Sure, because of technology we don't have to lose touch, but my "arguments" with Casey won't be the same over email or the phone. I won't get to make crazy drinks for Wellers anymore, or get called into sub at the last moment.

It's all so weird to think about.

I've done the cross-state/cross-country move a few times, so it's not that I can't wrap my mind around it. Just that I wish I could have it all. The best of both worlds. Have my cake, and eat it too I wish I could have Stephanie and Casey and Jason and Aza and Casey B and Boogie and the Hockin family... and the opportunities of GR, the support system, the growth.

The truth is, though, that nothing stays the same. Casey is leaving for Ava Maria University in August to pursue his masters in Theology, Casey B and her husband are heading out to Vermont, Lindsey's headed back to California soon enough, one of the Hockin girls may be leaving the state, and Boogie is destined to be a program horse (he's old, it's a good life). Ect. So life is not static, but fluid. And we cannot hold fast to mutable things. It seems, for so many, that this is a season of change and of faith. I know countless people my age who are making drastic changes, leaps of faith, after seeking God for a bit and then just knowing, even when they're clueless, that this crazy canyon needs to be leaped into, and that God will catch them. Or at least be there when they hit rock bottom. God doesn't always catch us, I've learned. Sometimes He lets us fall and fall hard because it will grow us. Or at least enable Him to hold us close for a while.

Much like a morning page, this blog started one place and ended somewhere entirely different.

I hope that's okay with you.

Youth Ministry

It amazes me, when you love students, how quickly youth ministry becomes the center of your life and the (chaotic) rhythm of your existence.

It amazes me, when you love students, just how far you will go to make sure they feel loved, included, valued, inspired.

It amazes me, when you love students, how quickly you become their hero, their, "When I grow up I want to be like..."


Jesus' love is my breath... and because of that these students are the most valuable part of my life.

I adore them more than I can say and I am beyond honored to serve them.

Thank you, Jesus!

-a titleless post-

(If you have a title idea after reading this, please let me know)

1 In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah:
We have a strong city;
God makes salvation
its walls and ramparts.

2 Open the gates
that the righteous nation may enter,
the nation that keeps faith.

3 You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.

4 Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
[Isaiah 26]

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
[Philippians]

Apostle Paul is what we'll call "a smart man." And this particular smart man new his old testament. A devout Jew and former killer of the followers of "the Way," Paul had a great and vast knowledge to access when he wrote his letters to the young, developing church. It seems the OT folks needed to remember that God is God, enthroned and in control, watching over His beloved people .

Tonight I am meditating on the verses above. A couple days ago I found out some earth-shaking news that has me bewildered, to say the least. And even more disorienting is the fact that a few days prior to that I came to some very big, important, life-changing realizations, not the least of which is that I am actually loved and valued for real. I've known this for a long time... but now I know it. Like, deep in the core and guts of who I am. I know this.

So, along with remembering that God is nothing less than God; all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, all-loving, I am also left to mull over how to maintain joy, real, authentic joy, in the midst of tragedy and confusion.

A divine paradox.

Both are equally present: mourning and sadness & joy and enthusiasm. I want to both dance for joy and hide my face before God, desperate for His intervention. And within this supernatural paradox, I am discovering that I, a woman of countless failures and imperfections, have what it takes to be faithful, to persevere, not because of my strength, but because the one who created me, the one who loves me, is nearer than a breath and He sustains me in all things.

Let's quote our smart man again, shall we?

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. [Romans 5]

Shalom, my friends.

Rent

Rent is due this week.

I was stressed.

$290. From whence would it come? I had no idea.

I received three checks over the past few days

The total?

$290.41

No, I'm not joking. How freaking awesome is that??

[edit]
A conversation with my Dad:

Dad: What's up?
Me: Umm... so where do I get pvc pipe?
dad: pvc pipe?
me: yeah... that's what it's called right?
dad: uhhh... why do you need pvc pipe?
me: for this game Im teaching a bunch of kids... *game explanation*
dad: ummm okay
me: do I have to buy the joint things separate?
dad: yes...?
me: so where do I go?
dad: Lowes or Home Depot
me: well.. like... where in the store?
dad: plumbing?? (like, duh!)
me: oh, right... it's a pipe
dad: yep
...

my poor father. seriously. im such a girl. thanks, dad!

Sick!

Hey guys, wouldya mind calling on the name of our awesome God for me? I got called into work tonight (which is sweeeeet! totally an answer to prayer!) and about an hour into my shift felt as though I was going to die... or pass out. It was horrible! I was the only one there and there were so many customers waiting. Oh man, it was a rough night! BUT, I started to feel a little better and soon another coworker came in to work with me for a couple hours and then a good buddy of mine came and chilled, just in case I felt really sick again. Thankfully, I only had to "episodes" and was able to finish the night. But! I still don't feel all that fabulous and I get to be back at work in just 8 hours! Whoa buddy! So, your prayers are totally appreciated! Please, let me know if you're praying for me, even if only for a moment. I want to thank God specifically for YOU!

Peace,

Asher

Milestones

August 13 marked a year since I spoke at Keystone.  That was my last teaching.  (I'm itching to get back at it, too)  

August 17 marked a year since I moved to New Hampshire.

September 22nd will mark a year since I gave up and moved back to Michigan.

September 25th will mark 24 years of life

September 26th will mark 1 full year with Gap, Inc (Old Navy Outlet 2891)

Please keep me in your prayers as I move through these bitter-sweet milestones.  Pray that I would give myself grace and love and not judgment and harshness.

Asher

Warfare

Though I consider 8th grade the year I became a Christian, my introduction to the Jesus faith was as a young child when my grandmother would take me to Church.  As my interest in the Christianity grew, my parents disallowed my attendance at Church.  Rather rebellous, I found my own ways.  Church was always a source of tension in my house, especially after I turned 18 and announced my intentions to NOT be a doctor and be a Youth Pastor, instead.  I think my mom hoped it was some misfit phase that would pass in a day or two.  But as I attended Church of my own free will (my parents take very literally the 18 and you're an adult thing), the desire only grew, and I was discipled and put in one leadership "class" after another, which further fed my desire for ministry.

About a year and a half later I left for college and discovered a complete different school of thought from the Assemblies of God to.... Baptist.  If you're at all familiar with the two schools of thought, you can see the conflict brewing right there.  Upon graduation I withdrew my denomination affliation with the A/G and have since been in quite the limbo about different beliefs.  One of them being warfare.  And while I may have thrown the baby out with the bath water when I rejected the idea of person prayer tongues, warfare is a difficult issue for me to balance these days.  Although, I must admit, there is some tug-o-war taking place; when I left college I was the healthiest I had ever been, holistically.  I knew I was loved unconditionally and I knew God was a good and loving father who did indeed have the best in mind for His Image Bearers.  But life happened, as it often does, and just over a year ago I moved to New Hampshire and the events that followed squashed my newly developed confidence.

Now, roughly 55 weeks later, I find myself engaged in a very real battle for the most essential of all human needs and beliefs: love.  Does God love me?  A very large and compelling part of me says, "yes!" The attention and instruction I received for 3 years at the care of amazing mentors like Don Perini and Christine Mutch all give me the, however fragile, hope to believe this is true.   But the experiences of life are a powerfully swaying force and the dominating stench of experience lingers strongly, overshadowing the fragile, steady dream of love and peace.

So, demons aside, I suppose there is warfare happening here.  Do I believe the words and actions of many who worked so hard to earn my trust, or the experiences of life, that, while persuasive, have lied to me before?  I'm sure the answer seems clear to you, but I caution you: a life understanding, just because it differs from yours, does not negate its seriousness and validity.

I know we've done this one before, but I re-stumbled upon it and still resonated quite strongly with it.  

Growing, and praying that you are, too.

Asher

Just a bad day (edited)

I need a hug. I need someone to not be rude, to not assume.
I need a hug. Today's been rough.
I need a hug. And maybe a piece of chocolate.
But mostly a hug.

I feel as though I should explain this. If only I knew how. All day today customers were cantancorous and rude. Managers were cranky and withdrawn and barking orders.

I got some new dress clothes today. Lindsey and I like to randomly try clothes on together and take a pic or two. Unfortunately for me, everything I picked out looked great. Unfortunate because I have a very limited budget for clothing. There were two outfits, one a dress and one a skirt, that looked equally great... which, for the dress, is saying something because I've worn a dress once in the past 6+ years. Go me. Soooo... I ended up with the skirt/shirt combo. A couple more dollars but far more vesatile in use. And while I didn't get chocolate, I did get ice cream. And I was able to treat a couple good friends to some iced cream as well. It made me feel good to be able to get them something.




I continue to recieve encouragement and exhortation and as "uncomfortable" as it is, I think I might be growing because of it.

Another note: tomorrow I am retreating up north with a friend of mine. We hope to spend some QT together, but I really hope to get some God-Asher-nature time while up there, too. I will be "seeking His face" and trying to refocus my life. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Breathing,

Asher

Fasting Devo

I'm so excited...

One of my fellow CU '06 Youth Min Grads, Ben, and I were talking the other night while he was working on some devo stuff for a camp he'll be teaching at next week. He was kinda tapped out on one of the subjects, so I was tossing him ideas. One thing led to another and I ended up getting the privilege of formulating the devo curriculum for fasting. How awesome is that! I had so much fun! And without the pressure of a grade I was way more myself than I tended to be in college and it took way less time than it did then, too!

It feels so good to work on stuff I enjoy and am passionate about.

I'll share it with you after ben goes away to camp. I am really proud of this thing.
And, he likes it... which is even better!

A Crisis of Faith

I don't claim to know much these days. I tend to be a fundamentalist in the purest form of the word. But to things I do know I am for very passionately.

I was at the well conjuring up some stuff on fasting and Aza was my sounding board, probing and challenging and digging wherever he felt necessary. (I invite him to do so since I tend to be more of an over-all concept girl, rather than specifics, when it comes to teaching).

As we were looking up something in Mark and well... one verse, completely unrelated to fasting, caught my eye and completely shattered a view of mine that I'd worked long and hard on. It left me confused, upset, and well... flustered. Aza was pretty much thrilled. Not that I was upset, but he loves seeing people grow so he had this happy look on his face. He was kind and patient.

Needless to say, it's back to the drawing board for me.

Just Like The Disciples

Monday night I was with my friend Casey.

At one point I brought up the new Billy Graham Museum & Library in Charlotee, NC. Ever since I found out about this project I've been slightly unsettled about it. Mind you, I don't want to be or even come accross as judgmental and narrow-minded, but the idea of a 27-million dollar museum meant to capture the history of the Good News & evangelism; especially the evangelistic efforts of Billy Graham, seems a bit miss-guided to me. Prior to talking with Casey, I hadn't mentioned my concerns to anyone. Mostly because I don't want to come across as bitter and cynical towards a legacy one man worked tirelessly to integrate into the lives of countless Imago Dei.

But, at the same time, it seems that Graham's legacy, and the goal of the Good News, is to restore man to an unbroken relationship with God where man can find hope, rest, and lasting purpose. And I can't help but wonder if the 27-million dollars spent to create this museum could have been better used to continue Graham's legacies over seas, meeting the needs of so many across the globe. What better way to commerate a life well lived than to continue his work when he himself is unable- but certainly not unwilling.

Casey brought up a valid point, though. Many of my complaints echo those of the twelve, who, when the woman doused Jesus' feet with the contants from the alabaster box, questioned her actions and thought the wealth should be spent of the poor.

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked. "This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor." Aware of this, Jesus said to them, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her. -Matthew 26:6-13 (Luke 7; Mark 14)

While I see my friend's point, I'm curious if there is real application to my concerns here. The woman, a known sinner, came before Jesus, repentant and in adoration. She followed up, acting on her conviction. And, I still hear the words of James who wrote in His letter to the 12 tribes of Israel,

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

I do not believe faith and evangelism were ever meant to be static and spectator-oriented. And although I do believe it will be a source of inspiration and hold very real meaning for so many, I wonder what will be done with the money generated from this attraction? Is the legacy of love and restoration that defined the life of Christ being turned into a means for profit? I believe Christ had harsh words for those who took lightly the purpose of life... and most specifically, His Father's house.

Even Billy himself expressed concern that the monument was too much about him and not enough about God. But before this comes a bashing blog I must say, that even misguided, Billy's son Franklin has a love and respect for his father and the legacy that he lives for that is seldom found.

Do you have any thoughts?

PS-I think I may have suffered a tick/spider bite. I'm a bit frustrated because it's beginning to engulf my left thigh which means I need to seek medical attention if it does not improve or it worsens by tomorrow afternoon. That's rather annoying and I would appreciate some more of those prayers. Muchas Gracias!

Rights & Responsibilities

Aza's latest "focus" in his life has been "rights & responsabilities." Really, it's about boundaries, but using the words rights & responsibilties can help give a person a better understanding of what healthy boundaries look like. (I'm not sure if that's actually what Aza means when he says rights and responsibilties, but I'm guessing my interpretation isn't too far off.)

I have a situation I learned about a couple days ago that has me very unsettled and left me wondering what I should do in response; where the boundaries lay. Here's a short synopsis of the situation and my thoughts regarding it:

A youth pastor of a youth group I am formarly affiliated with called the parents of the youth in their ministry and told them not to allow their teens over to another student's house because they're dating a much older individual (I think the age difference is 7 years). Now, as iffy as the dating may seem to you, the parents of this teen are very involved with their child and have done a phenominal job raising them and setting boundaries for them.

The problems I have with this part of the story: (a few of them, anyway)
1) The youth pastor is usurping parental authority, which is #1...
2) The YP has no biblical basis for calling the student's actions wrong/sinful
3) If the YP disagreed with the situation, they should have addressed the student and parents, not the social group
4) The student's right to feel safe/accepted/loved/valuable has been deeply violated
5) The YP has over-stepped his rights and responsibilities, which is spiritual abuse.

When I found out about this situation I asked if the Senior Pastor had been approached. I was told that yes, they had been, and the SP said the youth group was seperate from the rest of the church and diverted responsibility.

The problems I have with this part of the story: (again, a few of them)
1) *too angry for words*
2) the church funds and houses the ministry and should be willing to step in and take action when wrong is done
3) the SP is failing to take responsibility for the junk that happens in the ministries under their care
4) The lack of action to protect the rights and health of this student
5) By lack of action the SP is, sadly, being spiritual abusive

So, I've been left to wonder the past few days where my responsibilities are. I'm no longer at that church, but I know of these horrible things happening to a young and amazing student. And, if I should act, what should that action look like/consist of?

If you have any thoughts, please share them.

Asher

I am fickle

(I've read through this, and I realize it's a bit scattered, but in an effort to not be a perfectionist for once, I'm leaving it... hopefully, lol)

The fickleness of human beings truly amazes me.

And I am at the top of that list.

While it is entirely too easy to blame Satan for frazzled emotions and a wayward heart, they are mine to own. I am a fair-weather friend, finding it easy and pleasurable to follow God and confess the truth of my identity, encouraging others to do nothing short of the same... while the sun shines. What a whole-hearted hypocrite! I encourage others to be open with one another, and yet, I war within myself to be open with even those closest to me, holding by heart with such a death grip it begins to bleed. I am entirely a female, allowing the actions, inactions, words, and lack of words to become goliath in size, rather than seeing them as the imperfect but loving attempts to be kind and faithful. My first dedication, though am a wonderful deflector of this, is to myself. And though I seek to encourage and uplift others, serving them, my thoughts always return to "what about me?"

I have and am falling drastically short of my own ideals, the expectations of others, and the demands of holiness. Each breath taken is taken in expectation and entitlement, rather than thankfulness and wonder. Yes, I have been hurt, manipulated, and abused, but the truth is, my hands are not free of guilt; I, too, have hurt others, manipulated for my gain, and callously "not cared." And heaven forbid anyone treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about, seriously. I've got it together, or so my plaster white mask might have you believe. Absolutely horrible. And yet that is the raw truth, my inescapable condition. Completely and undeniably unable to do anything of true greatness apart from He who authored my story and lovingly tended to the creation of my fingerprints. Instead of acknowledging this, however, I have turned to people, men, positions, accomplishments, and materialistic security to increase my self-perception and feel as though I matter and have significance to the world around me.

But all of this has failed. And though I am an unfaithful child, the one constant thing I have to choose to turn to is God...Yahweh..Abba (daddy)... and I'd be lying if I said I felt fulfilled, even with a relationship with God... because following Him, being transformed by the amazing power of the Spirit, is draining, messy work, and insight of a dark night of the soul, I surrender to the instantly pleasing, imperfect ideas of life, beauty, and meaning... right? Definitely not, but it holds true for myself... and every other Christian I've ever met... that was willing to be open and honest with me.

But God is God, lover and lord of all things created, and He pursues me in ways that should make the proud tremble and the broken rejoice... for in His arms I am loved, safe, and secure... and it is for this truth, for others and myself, that I fight, war, and presss on with iron-clad determination and firey passion.

Indescribable

this is absolutely one of my favorite worship songs. definitely not a surprise for any of my friends, either. Last month when we had worship night, I was holding a crying friend out in the hall & they skipped over the song until I returned... =) God is so amazingly large & gracious! I am humbled by His tender care and attention to my life and every aspect of who I am!

another thing: i am absolutely awe-struck by the stars & sky. It's the first thing I notice and stare at when I walk out doors, no matter what time or where it is! i can lay out under the starry night sky for HOURS at a time (if it's not too cold) and just think, pray, etc... usually outloud, sometimes silently... another reason why this is probably my favorite of Tomlin's songs!

everytime i hear this song it's as if i can dance; my soul within me just leaps and my twisted legs regain strength, if only for a moment in my imagination.

Interaction Time!!

Hey everyone, young & old!! This one's for you!


There are many things that separate man from God.

Many of these things are also so mysterious that the human mind struggles to comprehend them.

I need your help! I'm trying to come up with as many of these characteristics as possible.

Here's an example:

God is...

• Omniscient (All-knowing)
• Omnipotent (All-powerful)
• Omnipresent (All-present/present everywhere)
• Immutable (unchanging)
• Unconditionally loving
  

Please leave me a comment with other characteristics & qualities that you can come up with!

Much love,

Asher

Mysteries Concealed

The goodness of God amazes me. Sure, I struggle with an opposing idea of God that depicts Him as a mean kid chasing after ants with a magnifying glass, but I know the truth, just the same:

God is good; He loves His children dearly, and works all things together for their benefit & His glory. He would do absolutely everything He could to bring us to Himself once again. He longs desperately, as only a father could for His child, to comfort His beloved and wipe away our tears. I also understand and rejoice in the idea that I do not need to invite God to be with me, He is already here, closer than my humanness can comprehend. I bring joy to Him when I am discovering and growing; searching out truth in all its beauty.

There was a moment at the Well this evening when Alex, Jordan, & I were talking, that I was overcome by the sense that we were bring God elated joy as we shared with each other the things that God is revealing to us; it was overwhelming, really. The atmosphere and moment so precious that we could only acknowledge and rejoice in it further. We were pleasing our Father. Not because we had discovered some amazing truth for the first time in history or because we sounded intelligent, but because we were authentically honest with one another as we moved forward, both individually and communally in our search for the mysteries of God:

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing but the honor of kings to search it out -Prov 25:2

To search it out... not to find, but to search is what caught my attention. I am sure there is some value in the finding, but the process of finding, especially when done with community, is so incredibly inspiring to me; the edification of one's family, their friends, their neighbors; the people they love and adore. That is not something I would trade for the "privilege" of forging my own way, of being the lone ranger, for existing without accountability.

I pray earnestly that God would bless us in our efforts to discover Him and His creation without defiling the beauty that is His mystery, and that He would continue to use my loved ones to aid in my journey towards truth.

-Asher